Drowning
by nightviolets
Summary: 17-year-old Masaomi Kida's life has spiraled out of control. He spends his nights drinking and partying, and his days working odd jobs and wasting time until evening comes. Izaya finds him drunk at a party and takes him to his apartment. He learns of Masaomi's problem, and makes helping Kida his new hobby—unknowing of the dangers that lie ahead, for both of them. *yaoi, dark themes
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: 17-year-old Masaomi Kida's life has spiraled out of control. He spends his nights drinking and partying, and his days working odd jobs and wasting time until evening comes. Izaya finds him drunk at a party and takes him to his apartment. He learns of Masaomi's problem, and makes helping Kida his new hobby—unknowing of the dangers that lie ahead, for both of them. **yaoi, dark themes_

**_**Warnings: underage sex, underage drinking, attempted suicide, dark themes_**

_This is a dark and angsty story. If you're bothered by any of the warnings I've listed above, I advise you not to read this. Otherwise, I hope you like it!_

_I still do not own Durarara! nor any of the characters._

* * *

_~~I was fighting a losing battle from the start~~_

_Izaya is here_. The man Kida had been avoiding for months was just across the room. He quickly darted to a place where he couldn't be spotted by the information broker. Izaya had ruined his life—he was the reason Kida had been partying and drinking away his pain. The informant was going to find Masaomi; it was only a matter of time before he was discovered. Rushing over to the bar, he ordered two shots and downed them. If he was forced into speaking with the man, he needed much more alcohol in his system to decrease the nervousness and fear he always had around Izaya.

When he was found, he was plastered. A hand touched his shoulder, and he turned around to see the face that haunted his dreams.

"Hello there, Masaomi-kun. Are you having a good time?" he asked in a cool, calculating voice, his lips stretching into a sly grin.

"H-Hi, Izaya-san. Yeah, I am. Um, what are you doing here? I didn't think you liked to party." He steadied himself against the bar and tried not to appear alarmed.

Izaya's smirk grew. "I came to see someone. I thought I'd check up on—" Kida paled halfway into the second statement. He turned around and took another shot as the older male finished speaking. "—one of my favorite humans."

"I-I see."

"Let's get away from the bar. It's too cramped." Not waiting for a reply, he grabbed the boy's wrist and dragged him towards the center of the room. By the time they arrived, Kida was stumbling and giggling.

"Masaomi-kun, how many drinks have you had?"

Kida smiled. "I dunno. I lost count after two or three~"

"Two or three what?"

The teen tapped his chin, a lazy smile still covering his face. "Hmm, shots or beer. Oh, wait—it was both. Haha! Have you been drinking too, Izaya-san?"

"I only drink in the comfort of my own home."

"Why? That's no fun! Here, have mine!" He shoved a cup of beer—that he'd taken before he was dragged away—in the man's face.

Izaya took it and set it down on a nearby table. "Two reasons. It could be spiked, or I could end up... Well, like you. Though, I'd probably just be kidnapped and interrogated—not as bad as what could happen to you."

"What do you mean?"

The raven stepped forward and ran his fingers through the golden hair. "You're completely drunk—off-balance, having trouble with vision and concentration, and unaware of possible dangers. Someone might see a cute, young blond like yourself and decide to take advantage of you. You could be forced to do a number of unpleasant things, and not be able to fight back; you're too weak right now."

Masaomi flinched away from the touch, his drunken smile fading. "W-Well, I'll be careful."

"Just to be safe, I'll stay with you until you sober up." He grasped the teen's hips and pulled him close.

Kida tried to squirm away. "That's kind of you, but it's really not necessary, Izaya-san."

"Oh, I'm not doing you a favor, Masaomi-kun. This is for my benefit," he whispered, breathing cool air onto the nervous boy's ear.

Kida's knees trembled, and he grabbed the raven's shoulders for support.

"Do you want to dance with me?" His red eyes pierced into unfocused chestnut irises. The boy was breaking down.

Looking up, he lost control of his vocal cords. "S-sure."

Izaya's hands slipped beneath the blond's shirt and held his waist. He guided the unsteady Kida to move with him to the beat, not surprised at the lack of protest. One hand subtly slithered to Masaomi's backside. The younger male didn't notice until he was groped.

"What are you doing?" Kida exclaimed, promptly returning the hand to his hip.

The informant grinned. "Tell me, Masaomi-kun, how do you feel about me?"

"Feel about you? Um… Well, you're kind of an ass," he replied frankly. He despised Izaya—loathed him, but every time he considered telling him off, he realized that Izaya would only be amused, so he always kept an air of formality between them. Even while drunk, he tried to stick to his resolve. Calling him a name was as far as he'd go.

Izaya laughed. "How cruel, Masaomi-kun. That can't be all, though. What do you truly think of me?"

When Kida drank and got into uncomfortable situations, he didn't consider the repercussions of what he said. Whatever he was thinking came out. "As much as I hate you, I can't help but sometimes think about how sexy you are." As soon as the words left his mouth, he firmly shut it to keep from saying anything else. He was never going to live this down. Izaya would use it against him in the worst ways imaginable.

"How interesting." The informant pressed their bodies together and bucked his pelvis against the younger male—who gasped. "Do you ever fantasize about me?"

"N-no! Of course not!" Thankfully, he gained some control over what he said. But when Izaya tightened his grip on his hips and rhythmically started to grind on him, he breathed out the truth. "Hnng—I mean, yes, I have a few times." Kida pushed back into him, moaning weakly.

Soft lips touched his, and he froze. After a few seconds, he allowed the man to kiss him. He attempted to move his pelvis and lips at the same time, but failed horribly. His head was spinning; he tuned out everything going on around him. Twining his arms around Izaya's neck, Kida focused solely on the velvety, sweet-tasting mouth against his. Hands roamed about his body, people brushed against him, the music blared, but he didn't notice any of it. Maybe it was the many drinks he'd had, but as he made out with the man whom he blamed for most of his problems—who deceived him and brought him pain he'd never felt before—he hoped their embrace never ended.

Izaya noticed the boy's complete concentration on the kiss. He was melting into his arms without regard to his—probably painful—tented crotch. No sounds escaped from his lips, and his arms lay still around his neck. He was only using his lips—no teeth or tongues were involved—yet the teen was falling to pieces. Curious, he broke their attachment, noting the whimper of disapproval, and moved to his ear to suggest, "Do you want to go somewhere quieter?"

Kida nodded. He was flushed and breathless.

The party was held in a large mansion. There were multiple rooms on the first floor and basement crowded with dancing, wasted teenagers and young adults. With an arm around his waist, Izaya ushered him into a home-theater room upstairs. The informant turned on the lights slightly so they were on a dim level. He looked around and was suddenly thrown onto a plush armchair. When he blinked, Masaomi was on his lap, straddling him.

"Izaya-san," the teen said. He realized that he didn't know what to say, so he simply sat back, gazing into the crimson eyes that had struck fear in him on numerous occasions.

The informant scanned the boy and finally realized his aim. It was clear in his expression. Chestnut eyes stared at him, silently pleading, _'Comfort me. I'm so lonely and confused. I'm barely holding myself together. I just want to forget about the pain—help me forget about everything."_

"I'll help you," the raven whispered. He drew the blond closer and brushed through the golden hair.

Kida grabbed the older male's face and kissed him. It was more gradual and mellow than when Izaya had initiated. As quick as the kiss had started, it ended. The teen shut his eyes, his limp body falling forward.

Izaya sighed. "You really should learn how to hold your liquor, Masaomi-kun."

* * *

Kida stretched his arms and cracked open his eyes. When he sat up in his bed, he realized that it wasn't his bed—it wasn't his _room_. He looked around the black-and-white themed room and tried to figure out what was going on. His head hurt and his body felt sluggish, which was a familiar feeling to him. _I'm hungover?_

As the teen rubbed his head, he recalled what had happened the night before. _I got plastered at that party and danced with_—_Izaya_. _Nononono. This can't be happening. _He crawled out of the informant's bed in only boxers. He scanned the room again to see his clothing neatly folded on the nightstand. He quickly dressed, and then paced across the room. _What happened?_

An answer hit him, but he immediately shot it down. After a few seconds, he widened his eyes, realizing that his assumption was probably correct. He went over the vague events he remembered from the night before. _I went to the party, danced with Izaya, __**made out with Izaya**__—shit. _He didn't remember anything after that. He was locking lips with the man he despised one moment, and then woke up in his boxers in the informant's bed the next. Anger overwhelmed him; he stormed out of the room and flew down the stairs. He saw the man at his desk and stalked towards him.

"Why the hell am I at your place?" he demanded, his pitch at a high shout.

"Good morning to you too, Masaomi-kun," Izaya replied casually, typing away on his computer.

"What did you do to me?" he yelled. This statement got the raven's attention.

"I—"

"You took advantage of me! You knew I was drunk and couldn't fight you off, so you…so you…" Kida trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to say the words.

"It's impolite to jump to such an extreme conclusion, Masaomi-kun. I'll tell you what happened, but only if you agree to sit down and listen—calmly."

Reluctantly, the blond moved to the couch, carefully watching as the man sat in a spot perpendicular to him.

"I approached you at the party, when you happened to be plastered, and asked you to dance with me—we did. After making out for awhile, we went to a room upstairs, where you pushed me onto a couch, climbed on top of me, and then passed out. You were exhausted—I was just happy that you didn't throw up. Anyway, seeing as you weren't waking up anytime soon, and I couldn't leave you there, I carried you out of the party and to your house. You woke up after a bit and I explained that I was taking you home. Then you threw a fit about wanting to sleep at my place, so I let you. It was an entertaining walk, actually. The entire way there, you went on and on about my eyes and voice. Every once in awhile, you'd ask if we were going to hook up." He noticed the boy tense. "I denied you, of course. But you weren't taking no for an answer. You brought up some good points—saying that you had wet dreams about me bending you over my desk or tying you to the bed, and that you're of legal age now."

Blood rushed to Kida's cheeks. "I don't—"

The older male held up a hand. "Izaya-san is talking right now. You may speak once I finish." He cleared his throat. "When we got here, I thought you should probably take a shower, so I guided you into the bathroom. You kept trying to take off my and your clothes so we could take one together." The informant paused to glance at the teen's face. His embarrassed expressions were priceless. "Now, I wasn't going to allow you into my bed all sweaty, smelling like alcohol, so I made you a proposition. I said that, if you took a shower, I would sleep with you—sleep, not sex. You didn't think that was good enough, so I decided that making out for awhile would be fine if you agreed to clean yourself—by yourself."

Izaya placed his arms on top of the couch and leaned his head back. A devious smirk spread across his face. "For someone in your state, you were certainly forceful. You kept moving my hands to your lower regions, no matter how many times I pulled away. After a few minutes, I was tired of fighting off your advances, so I just let you move my hands around. I mean, since I wasn't in control, you might as well have been using your own hands." He sat up and glanced at the flushed boy with gleaming red eyes. "Masaomi-kun, how sexually active are you?"

"Wh-why do you want to know that?"

The raven's grin broadened. "I've been wondering if you're either inexperienced, or if I just really turn you on. You finished after humping my hand for about a minute. To be fair, you had my other hand rubbing your nipples, so there was extra stimulation."

"You… You did those things to me?" he asked feebly.

"No, you did those things to yourself with the use of my hands. I'll take full responsibility for the bruises and bites on your neck, though. After that, you washed up and fell asleep in the bed." He leaned forward. "That's it. You can speak now, Masaomi-kun."

Kida clenched his fists. "You sick bastard! I had no idea what was going on! How could you…molest me?" he yelled, bowing his head and shutting his eyes to keep from crying.

Izaya sighed. "As I said before, I did nothing other than kiss your lips and neck, allow you to use my hands as if I were a puppet, and offer you a shower and a bed. No clothes came off, and the only skin I touched was above your waist. Honestly, I'm offended that you think I'd take advantage of you. That's not my style."

"Okay," he replied reluctantly. "But you could've stopped me from doing…that in the bathroom."

"Yes, but you kept moaning and telling me—in great detail—about all the ways you pictured me taking you. It was incredibly difficult to avoid fucking you right there. You were begging me, Masaomi-kun. I'm a healthy man in his early twenties—a man with normal urges and needs. Do you really think I wouldn't be aroused by a cute teenager grinding against me, trying to remove my clothes, and saying, _'Izaya-san, I want to ride your cock on your desk chair until my body can't hold any more of your cum, and then deep throat you to get even more, no matter how many times I almost choke from how huge I'm sure you are'_?"

Kida played with his hands uneasily, his face and neck burning. "I really said that?"

"Yes. Along with, _'Be so rough that the whole building hears my screams' _and _'Fuck me hard enough to put me on bed rest for a week.'_" Izaya scooted next to the boy. "Don't be too embarrassed. That's just what happens when teenagers drink too much. You weren't conscious of what you were saying. Then again, that means that your subconscious wants me to tie you up and fuck you for hours."

He couldn't have said those things. Sure, Izaya was attractive, but he'd only had _those_ thoughts about him once or twice. He'd quickly discarded the idea of making a move after seeing Izaya's face in one of those dreams—those piercing red eyes and sardonic smirk. The expression he constantly wore unnerved Kida. "You're lying. I wouldn't have done those things. You're just trying to humiliate me. Well, I'm not buying it—nice try, though." Kida rose from his seat and turned his back on the man.

"I'm not lying," a cool voice replied.

The teen continued to look forward. "Prove it. Oh, wait, there's no way to prove it. I'm leaving now."

"A few months back, you picked up a guy at a bar who looked like me. You took him home and told him to call you 'Masaomi-kun.' You had him fuck you doggy style because you love the thought of submitting to me like a bitch in heat. The entire time, you moaned my name over and over until you finished. You described the experience as thrilling—the best you'd ever had."

Masaomi couldn't breathe. His face twisted into an expression of pure horror. He was paralyzed in his spot next to the couch, staring out the large windows. A body pressed against his back; hands slithered around his hips to his navel, thumbs hooking into his belt loops; hot breath tickled his neck. But he didn't move—he couldn't.

"Do you believe me now?" a deep voice questioned, lips touching the shell of his ear.

He didn't have the energy to lie. "How did you know that?" His voice was a whisper, a barely audible exhalation.

"You told me."

The teen let himself be dragged onto the couch. Izaya sat the boy between his legs and rested his hands on Kida's upper thighs—unmoving, but suggestive. "Hey, Masaomi-kun, now that you're sober, I'd be happy to indulge one—or more—of your fantasies," he whispered seductively, blowing into the boy's ear.

Kida abruptly snapped out of his daze and regained control of his voice. He had to fight this—regardless of how embarrassed he was. "N-no way! I sometimes get horny when I'm drunk—and I suppose you're fairly attractive—but I don't want to have sex with you. That was months ago—I've lost interest in you now. I can't stand you."

"Don't be like that, Masaomi-kun. You know you want it." He slid his hands along the teen's thighs.

"No, I really don't." He attempted to squirm out of the man's grasp. "Let me go, bastard!"

"Tell me, why were you drinking so much if you went to the party alone? That's simply reckless. What if someone with bad intentions got to you before I did?"

"You did—do have bad intentions." He stopped struggling, letting out an annoyed sigh when he realized that he wasn't leaving if Izaya wanted him to stay.

"Did I? I carried you to your place when you passed out, redirected us to my place when you started crying about not wanting to be alone again, gave you food, let you use my shower, and allowed you to sleep in my bed. I fail to see how any of that had foul intent." Izaya bent his head to suck on the blond's neck.

Kida laughed, slightly tilting his head to let the man continue his work. "You're more transparent than you'd like to believe, Izaya-san. You're like any other guy—you're just trying to get laid. You brought me here last night and didn't take advantage of me so that you could get sex in the morning by explaining how you selflessly took care of me. I'm not going to sleep with you out of gratitude, because that's what you've been planning since you saw me at the party."

"You've just demonstrated all of the reasons why I've taken an interest in you, Masaomi-kun. You're intelligent and quick-witted—using prior knowledge about a person to make sense of a situation. You're angry, embarrassed, and annoyed, but you push past these to mouth off to me. It's obvious that you want to hit me and then run home, but you're holding it in well—for the time being. Lastly, although you stated that you don't want to have sex, you aren't stopping me from biting your neck and feeling you up. You're far too prideful to ask for it, or even admit how frustrated you are, so you're sitting back and simply not refusing me. You're so stubborn—I love chasing after you."

"I'm not refusing you because what you're doing is harmless. I don't care if you give me a hickey or touch my upper body—it's not leading to anything. I do this kind of thing all the time; it's meaningless, so don't read into it," he declared blandly.

"Did you just call yourself a whore?"

"What? No!"

"You said you do this all the time." Izaya put the pieces together. "Is this what you've become? You drink until you're completely wasted and go home with some random guy? It makes sense that you were able to drink so much without throwing up, then. Your stomach must be used to the large amounts of alcohol by now."

The blond froze, trying not to signal anything. He hadn't expected Izaya to catch on so quickly—or at all. He just hoped that the man didn't figure out anything more.

"What made you adopt this lifestyle?" He stroked the golden hair affectionately. "A bad breakup? Strained friendship? By knowing when it started, we can infer… Ah, I think I understand. It's been like this for a few months now, right?" He didn't wait for a reply. "Everything has come crashing down. You're still guilty about Saki-chan, struggling to control your gang, disappointed in yourself for dropping out of Raira, and sick of being a third wheel to your boring, unassuming friends. Instead of dealing with your problems, you're using alcohol and sex as coping mechanisms, pretending as if they're nonexistent."

"Shut up," Masaomi protested weakly.

"You really should stop this and cope in a healthier way. By not dealing with your emotions, they're building up inside of you, leading to deeper self-loathing and depression. One of these days, something will remind you of one of the issues you refuse to acknowledge, and you'll snap. You'll spiral out of control, drinking day and night, turning to drugs when the booze doesn't work anymore; you'll be with some random person nearly every night, waking up in strange places with no memory of the night before. You think you hate yourself now? Keep heading down this path and you'll despise yourself more than you ever thought possible."

"Shut up!" Kida exclaimed, shaking and breathing heavily. He tore Izaya's arms away and stood, clenching his fists as his angered copper eyes locked on inquisitive crimson irises. "You don't know my life! You are a disgusting, cruel person who never realizes when he's gone too far—or you don't care. Everything is a game to you! I may have been influenced by you when I was younger, but I know better now. I won't let you hurt me again!" Izaya raised his eyebrows at the last statement, curiously analyzing the boy's desperate expression and unstable demeanor.

"I won't! I'm not going to get involved with you again because you make everything worse. Leave me alone! Why can't you leave me alone?" The teen dropped to his knees, bowing his head to hide his teary eyes. "You've already taken everything from me," he finished quietly.

"Masaomi-kun—"

Kida jumped to his feet, sniffling, and exited the apartment. He lingered in the doorway. "Don't talk to me anymore. I never want to see you again."


	2. Chapter 2

_~~I only wish I could've gotten to you sooner~~_

Kida sat in an alleyway, fuming from his argument with Izaya. Things had gotten heated, and he'd felt better at first—until he realized that his outburst probably amused the man. It may have been his aim from the start to see how far he had to push before the boy broke. He had fallen into another trap. He could never escape.

His phone rang, and he pulled it out to see the informant's name on the screen. He immediately flipped it shut and took out his knife. Looking at the sharp blade, he thought about how easy it would be to end it all. There was no one around to stop him, and he'd be long gone by the time he was found. In his depression, he couldn't think of anything left to live for. Saki surely hated him, he never wanted to see Izaya again, his parents didn't care, he hadn't been in contact with Mikado and Anri for months, and he couldn't return to the Yellow Scarves. He had nothing.

As he rolled up his sleeves, he thought he heard a rustling noise from the opening of the alley. After a few moments of silence, he concluded that it was the wind. He bit down on his lip as he slashed into the flesh of his left wrist.

"Masaomi-kun?"

The boy laughed darkly. He knew that voice. It was mocking and snake-like no matter the topic he spoke of.

The man advanced slowly, then stopped abruptly when he noticed the deep red liquid spilling from Kida's wrist and pooling across the pavement. "What are you doing?" he asked carefully.

With a smile, Kida let his eyelids fall shut as he pressed the cool blade to his other wrist. "Sorry, Izaya-san, you'll have to find another pawn to manipulate."

The informant rushed forward. "You idiot." He swiped the knife, and then snatched the bandana from the teen's arm to tie it around the bleeding appendage. "I can fix this. Put your arms around my neck and I'll carry you. You need to keep that wrist above your heart."

Kida put his good hand on the raven's chest, but he was too weak to push him away. His vision began to diminish. "Give me my knife," he demanded, mustering up the strongest voice he could. "Let me finish the job."

"No." Izaya draped the boy's arms over his shoulders and swiftly picked him up.

The teen squirmed in his grasp, but the older male held him too firmly to allow escape. "Put me down! Get away from me!"

"You can thank me later." He was sprinting through a maze of alleys at a remarkably quick pace, considering that he had a 17-year-old in his arms. Since the alley wasn't too far from Izaya's apartment, they arrived in only a few minutes.

Izaya only stopped briefly to kick the door shut. He hurried into the bathroom and tenderly sat the boy on the floor. After removing Kida's sweatshirt, he grabbed his first aid kit and immediately started to stitch him up.

Masaomi howled. "Stop it! That hurts!"

"There's no time for sedatives. I'll give you painkillers when I'm done." He expertly sewed the skin together. Thankfully, it wasn't too deep; he'd missed the major vein. Still, the injury was serious, as well as the reasoning behind it. "You lost a lot of blood," he noted softly.

"That was the point," he replied in a snarky tone. He quietly watched as Izaya finished stitching and cleaned up the wound. His nimble fingers deftly disinfected and bandaged his wrist. "You're good at that," he mumbled, casually voicing his admiration.

"I've had practice."

Kida laughed humorlessly. "Do you make a habit of rescuing suicidal teenagers?"

The informant finished his work and gazed deeply into caramel eyes. "No. Only you," he said deliberately.

A faint pink rose to his cheeks as the staring continued. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Izaya didn't answer. He moved forward until he was close enough for Masaomi to feel breath tickling his skin. He lingered for a few moments, and then connected their lips. He was promptly rejected.

Kida turned his head. "Wh-what do you think you're doing?"

"Kissing you," he stated plainly.

His blush intensified. "Old pervert..."

The informant ignored the insult. "Masaomi-kun, why did you want to die?"

"_Do_, not _did_. It's a current incentive of mine."

"Why?"

"I have nothing left," he said faintly, glancing at his well-bandaged wrist.

"What does that mean?"

"It's because of you. I didn't have much to begin with, and I lost Saki, the Yellow Scarves, Mikado and Anri, and...whatever you are to me. It's all your fault, yet you're the one saving me. Isn't that ironic?" Despite his attempts to prevent them, a few tears escaped his copper eyes.

"I... You tried to end your life...because of me?" The informant was genuinely taken aback.

Anger boiled in him. Here he was, confessing his depression to the man responsible for it, who dared to not even understand what he'd done. "Yes, you bastard! You ruined everything!"

Izaya spoke slowly, still trying to comprehend the words as they left his mouth. "I've made you so miserable that you want to end your life?"

"Yes!"

The informant was silent, his face twisting in confusion.

Kida smiled darkly. "It upsets you, doesn't it? That you don't understand? You think you have the human race pegged; they're predictable to you. Even when people act out of your expectations, you get why they did it. But suicide… You can't wrap your mind around it."

Izaya considered denying it or change the subject. He decided that the boy might have some insight. "No, I don't understand. Humans have great potential. There's so much one can do with their time on Earth. Why would someone throw that away?"

"Because they—_I_ don't see my life getting any better. I'm not sure how I even lasted this long. All I've known is pain and abandonment… I don't want to feel like this anymore. Everything you said earlier was right. I can't keep partying and drinking to forget about everything. It's disgusting, and I hate myself for it. I'm pathetic. I'm not living, so I might as well end my suffering." Quietly, he added, "It's not like anyone would miss me."

"I would miss you," Izaya murmured, resting his forehead against the boy's cheek and combing through the bright gold hair. He laughed softly. "I'd miss you, I really would. There's something about you that draws me in. You're unlike anyone I've met—so..._fascinating_. I want to know you better, to see what you're like when you aren't putting up a front. I can't let you go. I won't allow someone so marvelous to slip away."

Kida's heart sped up. "Do you really mean all of that?"

"I rarely lie, Masaomi-kun. I certainly twist the truth to my benefit, but I only lie if I'm in a dangerous situation I can't get out of otherwise. Yes, I meant it." He shifted back and cupped the teen's face. Sharp, crimson eyes pierced into Kida's sad, teary eyes. "I have a proposition. I won't cause you any more unbearable pain, and you won't try to throw away your life." Izaya shifted forward and embraced the boy. "I'm sorry, Masaomi-kun."

The teen's stomach dropped as he said those words. It was foreign; it sounded strange coming from Izaya. There was something wrong, something under the surface that the informant was hiding from him. "No you're not," he croaked. "You're a despicable person who seeks out naïve, innocent people. You gain their trust—give them someone to confide in. Then, when they're deep in your web, you strike, shattering the comfortable world you fabricated for your victim. Then you move on to the next person, as if you weren't involved with the last. They become a distant memory to you, so you can look back on what you've done, pleased with your work. You are a lion, beautiful and enticing in every way, making people believe that such an exquisite creature could never cause harm—but you do; you wound and kill when they least expect it." His voice caught, and he couldn't speak anymore.

Knowing he wasn't strong enough to escape the man's hold, he caved, grabbing Izaya's shoulders and burying his face in the raven's shirt. As much as he hated the man, it was soothing to be in someone's arms. "Why couldn't you let me die? I don't want to live anymore."

Izaya held him close and stroked his back. "You _do_ want to live; it just doesn't seem like it right now. Your world has collapsed in on itself. I'm... I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you—"

"No, you're not," he repeated sourly. "You lure innocent girls into suicide all the time—I'm no different."

"You don't have to believe it, but I truly am remorseful. I never thought you'd do something this drastic. You're different than those girls—and I didn't force them into it, by the way. They mean nothing to me, but you do. I don't want you to end your life." He pulled back and tilted the boy's chin to look at him properly. "I understand why you hate me."

"I don't I hate you. I _loathe_ you."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. His lips grazed Kida's neck while he repeated the apology. He trailed kisses to the boy's mouth, speaking along the way. "I'm sorry for betraying your trust… I'm sorry for playing games… I'm sorry for hurting you."

Masaomi felt soft lips glide along his. The pleasant smell of musky aftershave drifted into his nostrils as he closed his eyes. He parted his lips and let Izaya take control. A cool hand tenderly held his face, tilting it slightly to get a better angle. His heart pounded in his ears as the hand slid behind his head to brush through his hair; fingertips gently, innocently grazed his leg. His own hands rose to rest on Izaya's shoulders; one moved to sift through the silky obsidian locks he had once dreamed of feeling.

This was all he wanted. No sexual experiences or crazy parties could compare to this moment. He'd never been kissed in such a delicate way. His usual kisses were drunken and sloppy, tongues tangling and fighting—they were desperate and emotionless, for the purpose of sex.

Izaya's kisses were slow, calculating in every brush of lips and grazing of tongue. They held an emotion he couldn't comprehend. Whatever it was, it was passionate and beautiful. The man in front of him wasn't the information broker he loathed; he was an old friend, someone whom he could turn to when he fell—someone who understood him without judgment. He was kissing the man he wanted Izaya to be.

Izaya moved away after a few minutes, leaving Kida breathless. "Stay here tonight."

"What?"

"Stay here for the night. I want to make sure you don't do anything impulsive. Don't worry; I won't make you sleep on the couch. You can sleep in my bed."

"... With you?"

"If you want me to, yes. Would you like that?" Izaya's voice was soft—calming.

Kida was lost in the man's ruby eyes. He'd never seen this side of Izaya. He was being compassionate and considerate—a complete contrast to his normally uncaring, self-obsessed personality. When he looked at Masaomi, it wasn't with indifference, or even pity, but with care. Almost reflexively, he replied, "Yes." He was surprised by the steadiness in his own voice. He wasn't sure if that was what he actually wanted, but he was having a difficult time refusing the crimson-eyed male. "I don't want to be alone," he added timidly.

Izaya smiled subtly. "Then I won't leave your side. I did this. The least I can do is offer companionship and a bed. I want to help you."

Kida frowned. This wasn't the Izaya he knew. He was never kind, and doted on no one. He sensed that he was being reeled back into his game. "Nothing you can do will ever erase the pain you've caused me. The only reason you're acting nice is because you don't want lose someone so easily manipulated by you."

"That's not true. Not entirely."

"Why else would you stop me?"

The raven sighed. "Maybe I just...care about you. Does stopping you from ending your life have to include an ulterior motive on my part?" he asked in a soft tone.

"Yes. Everything you do is for selfish purposes. What do you want from me?" His voice was sharp. He didn't trust the man, and needed to be on alert for any possible threat. He let his guard down earlier, but resolved to not let it happen again.

"Nothing."

He clenched his fists. "Stop lying! I won't be deceived by you anymore. Do I owe you my life now? If that's it, I'll kill myself the first chance I get!"

"You don't owe me anything, Masaomi-kun. I may not act like it most of the time, but I'm human, like everyone else. I have emotions; I merely choose to suppress them. I feel pain, compassion, fear, and lust; I experience sadness and happiness. Is it truly inconceivable that I might care for someone? I'm not a psychopath or a demon; I can _feel_."

Kida was silent for a moment. What he said made sense, but he couldn't think of why Izaya would tell him all of that. He was acting vulnerable, which was something the boy had never seen. Remembering what the older male had said before, he asked, "Why do you care about me?"

"Why did you care about Saki-chan?" He took the teen's right hand and laced their fingers together.

Masaomi stared at their joined hands. "That's not the same. I loved her," he said. He caught himself. "Well, I thought I did…"

"How is it different? It's the same emotion."

Kida's stomach fluttered. "Wait, you mean... You're in love with me?"

"I didn't say that," he replied evenly.

"But… You're not denying it?" Kida questioned slowly.

Izaya smiled slyly. "You talk too much. C'mon. Let's move this elsewhere." He stood and offered the boy his hand. Kida took it and slowly rose to his feet. He was led out of the bathroom, but he halted a few steps later. He grasped the man's hand tightly before falling backwards. Izaya caught him and gathered him into his arms. "Are you alright?"

"I'm dizzy, and my throat is really dry." He gasped and clutched his left wrist. "It hurts."

Izaya descended the stairs, walked into the kitchen, and placed the boy on the counter. He flipped on the lights and handed Masaomi a glass of water. "You're probably dehydrated. Drink up." He opened a cabinet and took out a pill bottle. He shook out three white pills and handed them to Kida. "Take these. They'll help with the pain."

He looked at the informant suspiciously. "What are they?"

Izaya placed a hand on the boy's knee. "Look, I know that you don't see me as incredibly trustworthy, but I won't harm you. I'm not drugging you or forcing you to stay here, Masaomi-kun. You don't have to take them, and you can leave whenever you want—though I hope you don't leave, as I couldn't keep an eye on you that way... They're painkillers that Shinra gave me awhile back. It's a mixed drug, so you wouldn't know the name. The only side effect is that you'll be more alert. I can give you sleeping medication to counteract it. Here, I'll take one." He popped one into his mouth and swallowed it with some water.

Cautiously, Kida took the two pills and gulped down the remaining water. He placed the empty glass beside him. "Um, thanks."

"They'll kick in soon. Do you want the sleeping pill? It's late."

"Sure."

Izaya searched through his cabinet again and pulled out another pill case. Kida held out his hand as the informant unscrewed the cap. "You're not gonna make me take this one, too?"

"No. I…trust you—for now."

The informant smiled. "I'm glad to hear that." He refilled the cup and watched Masaomi down the pill. "Ready for bed?"

"Yeah," he responded timidly.

Izaya picked him up again and carried him into the bedroom. He stripped Kida to his boxers, shut off the light, and placed him on the bed.

"Are you coming in too?" he asked, pink dusting his cheeks.

"Not yet. I have a few emails to send first. I'll be back in about an hour—I won't wake you."

"Okay."

Izaya walked away, turning back as he shut the door. When he saw the boy, he stopped. The teen was still sitting up, legs hanging off the bed, silently playing with his fingers. "What is it?"

Kida raised his head. "I'm not very tired… But I'll lie down and try to fall asleep." He did this, pulling up the covers and shutting his eyes. He opened them when he felt the sheets rustle and the bed move. Kida looked up to see Izaya hovering over him. "I-Izaya-san?"

"If you aren't tired, I can help you pass the time," he purred.

Masaomi shivered. Whether it was from the low voice or loss of warm sheets, he wasn't sure. Izaya pulled the covers up and over his head. He moved lower and gave Masaomi a light, feathery kiss. Surprisingly, Kida grabbed hold of his hair and pulled him down.

They were locked in the tender embrace for what felt like hours. When Izaya moved away, Masaomi had to fight off the strong, unusual urge to pull him down again. "Masaomi-kun, your lips keep moving slower. Are you tired now?" he sang. "I am; it's been a long and stressful evening, after all. Let's get some rest." He pulled the sheets to his shoulders and held Kida against him. He stroked the golden hair as the boy contently drifted off. "Things will get better, Masaomi-kun. I'll make sure of it."

It was comforting to wake up and immediately know where he was. Kida Masaomi did not often have that luxury. It was either his room, or a stranger's bed—a stranger he most likely didn't remember the face of. He took a long, warm shower, and then dressed in the clothes laid out for him: long sweatpants, black boxers, and a loose t-shirt. Before leaving the bathroom, he took a quick look in the mirror. His eyes were fully open and alert, without dark circles underneath; he wasn't slouching due to sluggishness; the only bruises on him were scattered on his neck, barely visible. A bandage and antibiotic ointment were lying on the counter. Looking at his wrist, he didn't think he needed it, but Izaya put it out for him, so he might as well use it.

Descending the staircase, he casually walked over to Izaya, who was typing at his desk, as usual. As he neared the man, he remembered what had happened the night before. Light pink rose to his face. "Um, thanks for the clothes. I'll wash them and give them back tomorrow," he said, awkwardly fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt.

Izaya waved a hand. "You can keep them. I have plenty more outfits to lounge in."

"Okay…"

"Help yourself to my kitchen. Dry foods are in the pantry; pots and pans are in the cabinet next to the oven; cooking utensils are above them; plates and glasses are in the two cupboards next to the fridge; silverware and chopsticks are in the drawer to the right of the sink," he said rapidly. His eyes lifted from his computer screen to rest on the boy. "If you touch my ootoro, I will cut off your tongue," he added darkly. After a slight pause, he returned to his work.

"Th-thanks."

Kida prepared a small meal and ate at a fast pace, wanting to get away from the uncomfortable atmosphere. He was relieved that nothing from yesterday was mentioned, but there was a tense feeling in the air. After cleaning his dishes, he left the kitchen, meaning to grab his clothes and leave. Before he got past the couch, Izaya spoke. He jumped from the voice that broke the long silence.

"You may watch television if you don't turn it up too loud. I'll be finished with this project in a few minutes, and I'd like to do so without distractions." Everything spoken by the man so far was casual and breezy. There was no hint of any emotion.

Kida wanted to leave, but Izaya explicitly stating that he would be done working in a few minutes surely meant that he planned to discuss something with his houseguest. He turned on the television, switched it to an old movie, and curled up in the corner where the large couch curved. Just before the climax of the film, Izaya appeared in front of him and shut it off. Although he was annoyed, he didn't want to be rude when the older male had been so generous, so he said nothing about ending the movie he'd been absorbed in.

Izaya flopped down next to him—closer than Kida considered a comfortable distance. He rested his arms along the head of the couch, sliding one over the boy's shoulders, pulling him nearer. "I've decided to help you," he stated.

"Um… What?"

"Your lifestyle is self-destructive and dangerous. I've grown rather attached to you; therefore, I do not wish to find you crying in a gutter or bleeding in an alleyway." He brought the boy even closer, feeling him tense at the subtle mention of the night before. "I'm going to help you cease your poor coping methods and take on new ones."

"Why?" he mumbled.

"Hm… It's difficult to explain. I feel a compelling urge to solve your problems. It may be because I caused most of them, or simply because I find you interesting."

"Are you sure you don't just want my body?"

"Well, I wish to assist you on an emotional level rather than a physical one—so, yes, I'm sure. I mean, I still want to bend you over my desk and fuck you senseless, but that is not my main goal."

Kida sighed. "I don't want your help. If I agree to let you do…that to me, will you leave me alone?"

"No."

The teen was surprised by his answer. Izaya actually wanted more than sex from him. He was skeptical that he solely wished to make him stop constantly drinking and partying, but it didn't sound like he had much of a choice. He never had a choice in anything regarding Izaya. He voiced his thoughts. "I don't have the option of refusing you, do I?" he asked defeatedly.

"Now you're getting it, Masaomi-kun! Ah, this will be so much fun," Izaya sang. "Alright, let's get started. Will you move in with me? It would make th—"

"No! I'll play along with whatever you're scheming, but I'm not going to live with you."

"Hm, we'll talk about that another day, then. Moving on… If you want to go out partying, you have to let me come along—and don't even think about sneaking into one alone. I will find you."

"Um, no. That'll just make things weird. I don't need a babysitter."

"Yes, you do. You passed out on top of me, Masaomi-kun. I'm not letting you get drunk without my supervision. I'll agree to let you live at your own place, but this is a required rule."

"You want to make sure nobody but you can have sex with me," he concluded bitingly.

Izaya pulled the boy onto his lap and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Are you implying that you'll be regularly sleeping with me?" the raven asked, smirking.

"No, I mean that you aren't going to let me go home with anyone. You aren't getting laid—find someone else for that."

"It's cute that you think you can resist me. Anyways, if you want to be in a bed besides mine or yours, you will do so while sober, and let me meet the lucky man."

"What the hell! It'll scare them off if I introduce a guardian-like figure to someone I want to have a one-night-stand with!"

"Either that, or you let me discreetly follow you to make sure you aren't kidnapped, and not argue about me taking you home immediately afterwards. I'm an information broker; I know how to trail someone."

It wasn't a bad idea. If Izaya would remain unseen and follow him to make sure he wasn't with someone dangerous, it seemed fine—helpful, even. He sighed. "Fine. But no watching through the window or some creepy shit like that."

"You don't have to worry about that. I'll be across the street pretending that you aren't having intercourse and instead are playing an exciting game of chess."

Kida smiled. "Jealous, much?"

"Obviously," Izaya replied flatly. "You're mine. I don't like the thought of anyone else touching you." His voice changed into an upbeat lilt. "Nevertheless, you'll realize that no one can bring you the pleasure I can soon enough."

Masaomi rolled his eyes. "Hey, does that mean I'm not allowed to drink at parties?"

"You can drink if you acknowledge that you're coming back to my place afterwards. You may drink here, if you'd like."

"I thought you want me to stop altogether."

"I'm trying to help you make better choices, not ruin your fun as a teenager. My rules are based around two simple motives: to keep you out of danger and teach you how to effectively deal with your problems. Drinking yourself into liver failure or being raped and killed by a guy you met at a party is not worth pushing your issues aside. You can drink, as I assume you aren't an alcoholic, but a binge drinker. If it turns out that you are the first, however, I'll have to put you through detox and keep you clean. I genuinely want to help you, Masaomi-kun. What selfish motive could I have for doing this?"

"Sleeping with me."

"Yes, that is true. However, no damage will come to you through that—no long term damage, anyway. But I do like it rough—really rough, and I have a feeling that you like that too."

"What other rules are there? I want to get this over with." Before he could react, Izaya positioned him between his legs, his back pressed against the man's chest.

"One more." He dragged his fingertips along the inside of the younger male's thighs, stopping just before he reached the top, and then repeated the action. "You will do as I tell you. If I call you over, you will walk your ass here; if I tell you to put down the drink and leave with me, you will stop immediately and follow me out. I will give you plenty of freedom, Masaomi-kun. But don't disobey me when I give you an order." He nipped the blond's ear. "If you don't, I will punish you," he said in a low, seductive voice.

Kida inhaled sharply. He cursed his teenage hormones as the hand on his thigh came closer to brushing against his growing arousal.

"Do you want to be punished, Masaomi-kun?"

The teen whimpered as the hand lightly grazed over his hardening member. "N-no, of course not. Don't be ridiculous. Not everyone has weird fetishes like you."

Izaya roughly grasped his length, causing the boy to gasp. "Then why did you get hard when I said it?"

"That has…nothing to do with what you said! I-it's just because you were touching there."

"Very well, we'll return to that topic at a different time." He tugged the blond's sweatpants and boxers down, releasing Masaomi's member. Izaya spat into his hand and started to slowly stroke it.

"H-hey! Don't—hnn—do that!" he protested weakly.

Izaya sped up his movements, using his other hand to play with a hardened nipple. "If you want me to stop, then pull my hands away. I won't force you into anything. Otherwise, just sit back and let me pleasure you."

After a few moments, Kida sank into the man, leaning his head back and closing his eyes while a quiet moan escaped his throat. The older male sped up and slowed down every once in awhile; he squeezed harder in some places; his thumb put pressure on his head whenever his hand reached the top. It was all too much, and Masaomi realized that he wasn't going to last long with Izaya's ministrations. "I-Izaya-san… I'm gonna—" His eyes flew open when all contact on his member was taken away. "W-what the hell? Why did you…stop?" he breathed.

"I don't want you to come yet."

"W-why?" Sweat formed on his brow as he squirmed, his body yearning to be touched. He was barely restraining from finishing himself off. He had been so close—the tingly feeling remained and his prick twitched. His breath caught when he felt Izaya's tongue graze his ear.

"Because," Izaya whispered, "I want us to come together."

"That's creepy," Kida murmured. "Was that supposed to be some sort of pick-up line?"

"Would you like me to work on that now? Or would you rather have release sooner?"

Kida's body trembled as two fingers teasingly trailed down his length. "Izaya…san, hnng—more."

The informant snickered. "I thought so." His fingers danced along the pale skin of Masaomi's torso as he nipped the boy's shoulder.

"Stop teasing," he mumbled as he turned around to straddle the man. He shyly hid his face in the arms thrown around Izaya's neck.

"Get on your hands and knees. If you want me to take you like a bitch in heat, I'm happy to indulge you."

Shaking, Kida obeyed. Izaya knelt behind him and coated his fingers with lubricant he'd grabbed from beneath the couch. "You can lie on your arms if you're more comfortable that way."

Masaomi nearly collapsed forward. He crossed his arms on the couch and laid his forehead on them. His breath caught as two fingers entered him.

"For someone who sleeps around so much, you're surprisingly tight."

"I don't always bottom."

Izaya raised his eyebrows. "Well, you get to bottom whenever you're with me. I'll loosen you up." Although Kida wasn't very prepared, the raven unzipped his jeans, coated his length, and swiftly entered the younger male.

Masaomi's cry of pain was muffled when he bit into his arm. Fingers clamped down on his waist as the man nearly pulled out completely, and then buried deep inside of him. He pushed back into the thrusts, relishing in the amazing mixture of pain and pleasure. He cried out when Izaya slowed significantly. "No! I was s-so…close. Please—hah—Izaya…san. More."

"You're not allowed to finish yet." Izaya sped up slightly. "But I'll let you if you convince me. Beg for it, Masaomi-kun; beg for it like the slut you are."

His prostate was brushed against repeatedly, and it took all of his energy to hold it in. "Izaya-san…hnng. Please let me come. I n-need to finish. Hah…"

"Hm, that's not good enough. Try harder, Masaomi-kun."

Kida's fingernails dug into the couch as he tried to ignore the feeling sending waves of pleasure through his body. "Izaya-san, fuck me…ha-harder. I want to come…so bad. Nnngg—Feels s-so good. Izaya-san, please!"

"I suppose that's sufficient. Alright, you have my permission to come." He slammed into the boy, grinning at how easily he'd made Kida break.

Masaomi made unintelligible noises of pleasure as his vision flashed with white. His body shook as the climax shot through him. He moaned Izaya's name over and over as he ejaculated. After it finally stopped spilling out, he panted, delighting in the afterglow as he was continuously pounded into. He would've collapsed had he not been held up by firm hands on his waist.

Izaya smoothly shifted them so he was sitting down with Kida straddling him. He bucked his hips up, groaning in pleasure at the new position. Small fingers clutched his shoulders as the boy weakly bounced in his lap. He wrapped a strong arm around the teen's waist and lightly stroked the sensitive member that had grown hard again.

Kida rested his forehead against the man's neck and sank his fingernails into the flesh of Izaya's shoulders. As warm liquid filled him, he made a choking noise and came again. After the raven pulled out, Masaomi slumped forward and gasped for air, his body trembling and twitching.

The informant stroked the blond's back. "How was that, Masaomi-kun?"

"So…good."

"Would you describe it as…the best you've ever had?"

Kida hesitated for only a moment. "Yes," he breathed.

"Ah, I'm pleased. Will you be turning to me to fulfill your sexual needs from now on?"

The younger male caught his breath. "Nice try. That was great, but we're not exclusive—we will never be exclusive."

"Eh, it was worth a shot."


	3. Chapter 3

_~I was trying to make sense of my feelings, but there was no making sense of them~~_

"You're really going to follow me around all night?"

"I don't have to stand next to you. I'll stay out of your sight, but keep you in mine, if you wish."

Kida rolled his eyes. "I'd rather have you next to me than from a distance, like a stalker."

"Are you going to have a drink?"

"Are you actually going to make me stay overnight at your apartment if I do?"

"You have a low tolerance. I'm simply looking out for your safety."

Masaomi thought to voice a fake concern of being molested by the informant while unaware, but decided against it. Izaya wouldn't do that, and they both knew that Kida understood that. He sighed. "Yeah. I'll have a drink or two."

"Very well." He guided the boy to the bar and bought him a beer.

"You didn't have to buy it for me," he mumbled.

Izaya's eyes raked over the boy. "It seems unlikely that you could fit a wallet anywhere in that outfit. It's tight and…revealing." He moved behind Masaomi and caressed the sides of his exposed thighs.

Kida shooed him away. "Don't touch me, pervert!"

The informant smiled, moving his hands to modestly rest on the blond's hips, and blew into his ear. "Dressed like that, you're inviting men to touch you in far more indecent places than your legs."

The boy shivered. He took a large sip of his beer, finishing it. "Are you calling me a whore?"

"No. I'm saying that it's obvious you want to hook up with someone tonight—or at least retreat to a dark corner and be fondled. Unfortunately for you, neither of those outcomes will occur—with anyone besides me, that is." He grabbed the teen's wrist and pulled him away from the bar and into the crowd. "Let's dance."

Kida pushed him away. "I don't want to dance with you."

"Stay with me for now. If you see someone else you want to dance with, you can go."

The teen's lips stretched into a thin line. "Whatever. Only for a few minutes, though." He started to sway to the beat. He noticed Izaya standing still. "Do you know how to dance?"

Izaya winked at him, and then proceeded to show off his skills.

Kida put his hands on the informant's shoulders, giggling. "Oh my God, don't do that. You're horrible."

Izaya returned his smile, holding onto the boy's waist and pulling him closer. "I'm offended, Masaomi-kun," he joked. "Maybe you should show me how to dance."

Kida blushed, turning his head and moving back slightly. "U-um, the trick is to not think of what you're doing as dancing. If you try too hard, you'll look dumb. All you have to do is follow the beat."

"You're a pro."

"I've been to many parties and clubs—I've had practice."

"The last time we were at a party together, you were too wasted to dance properly."

"Shall I redeem myself, then?"

"Be my guest." He removed his hands from the teen, looking at him expectantly.

Masaomi swayed to the music, his arms and legs making small, fluid movements. He circled around Izaya, trailing his hand along the man's upper back. When he was facing him again, he grabbed the older male's hands and dropped into a crouching position. He used the hands as leverage to provocatively pull himself up, brushing against the man as he did so. "How was that?"

"Great," he exhaled.

"Have I left you breathless?" he questioned cheekily. "I'm flattered, Izaya-san."

The informant grasped the boy's hips. "You constantly leave me breathless."

The teen hid his red face. "Izaya-san…"

"Keep going. I want to see what else you can do," he whispered. He nipped Kida's ear, and then shifted back to shoot him a devious smirk.

Masaomi started to move. "I know what you're thinking. But dancing with you doesn't mean we're going to hook up—we aren't."

"We'll just see how well you're holding up by the end of the night. You're already a bit tipsy right now, so no more alcohol. I'll prove to you that you don't need booze to be seduced by me."

Kida held their bodies together and felt a lump pressing against his thigh. "I think I'm the one who's doing the seducing—it seems I've already done a good job." He kept the man's gaze as his ass was groped, refusing to break.

"Yes, you've thoroughly turned me on. I'm bringing you back to my place tonight, and when we get there, I'm going to have my way with you—and you'll be begging for more."

Masaomi shivered. "Keep dreaming. That's not happening." Despite his attempts to stay quiet, a small moan escaped him as the man grinded against his growing erection.

"What was that? It seems to me that you like me touching you like this." To prove his point, he bucked his hips and squeezed Kida's ass. The boy moaned louder, blushing profusely.

"Shut up." Kida murmured. He knotted his fingers in obsidian hair and tugged him down, crashing their lips together.

Izaya responded by shoving his tongue into the teen's mouth and holding him closer, swallowing the sounds of pleasure that his tongue and pelvis elicited. It wasn't long before Kida was indecently humping him with a force that threatened to knock him over and moaning loud enough for other people to gather around them, trying to hear the erotic sounds as they grinded against their own partners.

"I-Izaya-san, stop," Masaomi breathed.

The older male smiled. "Why?"

_Because I'm going to finish in my pants if we continue._ "I… Um..."

Izaya wrapped an arm around the teen's waist and guided him into an unlit part of the club. "I told you that this outfit was begging for someone to fondle you in a dark corner."

Kida panted heavily, his mouth open and his eyes lidded as he was pressed against the wall. He didn't have the strength to protest when Izaya's hands found their way beneath his jeans and kneaded his bare rear. Izaya snickered. "A thong, hm? You actually did plan on having sex, didn't you?"

Masaomi didn't reply. His breath hitched when Izaya began to roughly gyrate against his crotch. He balled his fists in Izaya's shirt and leaned his head against the wall, looking into gleaming crimson eyes. The older male's pelvis pushed into him, moving in circles. Kida squished them together as close as he possibly could and bucked his lower half against Izaya. His speed increased as his eyes shut and his breath caught. He grabbed Izaya's shoulders and let the man support his body weight.

Izaya's finger dipped beneath the boy's pants. He brought it to his mouth and licked it clean. "You came just from grinding? You must really want it."

The teen's eyes were even more lidded than earlier. "Izaya-san, take me back to your place."

With a victorious smile, the informant laced their fingers together and led them out of the club.

* * *

"Say it."

"No."

"Say it. "

"No! If you ask again, I'm leaving."

Izaya pinned the boy's arms to the bed. "You're not going anywhere." A well-aimed thrust made Kida moan in pleasure.

He glared up at the man, hating the dominance the informant was trying to assert over him. "I'm pretty sure you want this more than I do. If you want to continue, stop trying to make me say lewd things. I'm horny when I'm drunk—give me vodka if you want to hear that from me."

"But that would be taking advantage of you." Izaya bent down and kissed the boy's neck. "Say it, or I'll finish myself off in the shower and leave you here frustrated."

"I could issue the same threat, Izaya-san. All you ever do is come on to me. You expect me to believe that you'll stop in the middle of sex now that you've finally persuaded me into getting in your bed? I have many options—I could have a guy at my place in a half-hour notice. What about you? I doubt many people would voluntarily have sex with you," he scoffed.

Izaya smiled. "Why do you assume that?"

"Before a little while ago, I thought you were asexual. You never seemed to be sexually attracted to anyone. I've seen you pass up gorgeous women and hot men without a second thought and call all humans equal—like no one particularly stands out to you in any way. If I think that, others probably think the same thing."

"Your argument is logical. However, I am not asexual. I am simply picky with whom I have sexual relations with." He picked up a rhythm again, apparently giving up on his quest, delighting in Kida's moan of approval. "I don't just fuck whomever I find attractive, unlike you. I can't get it up for many people—my dick is particular."

"Whereas I give you a boner by walking into the room," he snickered, trying to keep his breath level. Izaya was so composed during sex; he didn't want to be too disarrayed.

"What can I say? When I see you, I can't help but imagine all the dirty things I could do to you."

"You're a pig."

"Says the town whore."

Kida glared at the man above him. "Don't call me that again if you want to keep all of your fingers."

"A threat? How cute. You can't threaten me, Masaomi-kun. Especially not in this position."

"Stop talking. Your voice is obnoxious." He freed one hand and used it to tug on the man's hair in an attempt to kiss him. Before their lips touched, Izaya turned his head away. Masaomi shook off the unexpected rejection and focused on how he was feeling physically.

He came with a weak groan after feeling warm liquid spill inside of him. After the informant pulled out, he thought about making a joke out of Izaya finishing first, but decided not to after seeing the man's face. "Izaya-san?"

"I only want to be with you. For the rest of my life, you're the only one that I wish to be with."

Kida laughed awkwardly. "That's funny. The great Orihara Izaya settling down? I haven't heard that one before."

"I'm being serious, Masaomi-kun. I never said anything about 'settling down,' but you're mine now. I'm never going to let you go."

"I'm my own person. I don't belong to anyone. Maybe I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you—whatever _with you_ means. I assume you don't mean romantically, but being exclusive sexually is something I already said I won't agree to."

"I don't like to share. I'll win you over one day. No matter how long it takes, I'll make you mine."

* * *

Kida awoke to a displacement in the bed and the sound of rustling sheets. His eyes fluttered open to see Izaya stepping away from the bed and moving towards the dresser. Careful not to move and alert the male of his consciousness, he silently watched the informant unplug a phone from the wall and go through his messages and emails.

Izaya leaned against the wall, and Masaomi had a clear view of the sculpted body. The blond noticed that hair only covered his head; everything else had either been shaved or waxed. He wore nothing, and the way he subtly stuck out his pelvis made Kida flush. His abdomen sported a faint, tight six-pack; his arms were somewhat flexed as he typed, showing off the pronounced muscles. Izaya's build wasn't thin; it was lean. There was barely any fat on his body, only bone, skin, and muscle. The door was slightly open, leaking light into the room that flatteringly highlighted his attractive facial features.

Izaya was a handsome, sexy man. He downplayed his body with plain clothing and often hid his figure with his favorite fur-trimmed jacket. When he was naked, Masaomi could admire the true beauty of the informant.

"Although I'd love to stand here for a while longer to let you continue gawking, I do need to take a shower and dress so I can start my day." His eyes didn't stray from the cell's screen as he spoke, but one corner of his mouth was pulled up into a small grin.

Kida blushed and sat up, stretching his arms. "I wasn't gawking," he muttered. "I was just wondering what you were doing."

Izaya sauntered to the bed and bent down to kiss the boy's cheek. "Don't be ashamed. I'd stare at your body if you were lounging naked in front of me."

"Whatever," he scoffed. "I'll get dressed and leave."

"You don't want to clean up first? You must feel…sticky after last night."

Pink dusted the blond's cheeks. "I'll use the shower when you're done."

"Very well. But there's no rush. I won't be busy until this afternoon."

"Thanks. I'll take my time, then."

"I meant that there's no rush _getting into_ the shower." He was surprised not to feel small hands pushing him away. He experimentally kissed the blond's jaw and rested a hand on his upper thigh. There was still no response, so Izaya grew daring. His fingers brushed against the boy's soft member. When he began to stroke it, he heard a sharp inhale, but no resistance. Instead, Masaomi tentatively grasped the man's length and mirrored his action. It wasn't long before both were fully aroused.

Kida dropped to his back, pulling the man with him as he brought his feet onto the bed and spread his legs. He was expecting a teasing comment, or at least an utterance of approval at his actions, but no words escaped the informant's lips.

Masaomi couldn't contain a pained yelp as the man slammed fully into him. As much as the sudden thrust hurt, Kida was grateful that, at some unknown time, Izaya had coated himself with lube—at least he hadn't gone in dry.

Masaomi dragged his nails along Izaya's back as retaliation, but it seemed to only encourage rougher behavior. "I-Izaya…san, too fast." Although he'd asked to be treated gentler, he didn't really expect Izaya to meet his request. Nevertheless, the thrusts slowed to a more pleasurable pace, and he threw his head back as the pain was replaced with a hot, tingling feeling. "Mm~ Izaya-san." With a few more thrusts, Kida let out a muffled cry and finished. Izaya followed soon after.

Izaya pulled Kida up and pressed their foreheads together. "Be mine, Masaomi-kun."

Masaomi blushed. "I don't know what that means."

"I want you to be mine."

"Do you mean that you want to date me? You want to be together, like, romantically?"

"No." Izaya's lips lightly touched Masaomi's. "I want you to belong to me, and nobody else. Say that you'll be mine, Masaomi-kun."

"Are you always going to be all mushy after sex? Because this is the second time now, and it's getting weird."

"Don't change the subject. I won't allow anyone else to touch what belongs to me, and anyone who tries will be tortured until they beg me to be merciful and grant them death." Izaya cleared his throat and softened his tone. "Tell me that you'll be mine."

He was still unsure of the meaning behind Izaya's words. He wished that the man wouldn't ask him questions when they were so close. The closeness made him tremble with nervousness and excitement. Izaya's lips were still against his, and their hands were linked. How could he say no when his body was screaming at him to submit, to let go and fall into Izaya's grasp. It was careless, dangerous to give in. "Okay. I'll…be yours, Izaya-san."

His breath caught when the older male pulled back. He'd never seen Izaya smile so genuinely, with his eyes void of malicious intent. Of course, the skilled informant could be hiding his emotions, but Masaomi's gut urged him to believe in the shining, ruby eyes fixed on him.

"This doesn't mean we can cuddle in the bed telling stories, or hold hands and shit like that," Masaomi mumbled.

"We're holding hands right now. I was planning to let go, but your grip is rather tight." Kida released Izaya's hands immediately. "Hmm, I'm not sure if you're lying about not wanting affection, or unknowingly suppressing that desire; enlighten me."

"Um, what?"

"You subconsciously seek out affection. When I tried to carry you home that one night, you held onto me and repeated that you didn't want to be alone until I gave in and brought you here. On both occasions that you slept over, I woke up multiple times during the night because you had quite literally crawled on top of me. Lastly, no matter the situation, if I kiss you, you submit to me entirely."

Masaomi wasn't sure how to argue with the truthful statements. "What's your point?"

"If you decide that you want affection to balance out meaningless sex, I'll indulge you. I don't mind. I actually don't particularly enjoy physical contact, but with you, it's different. My feelings for you surpass lust and protectiveness. I've experienced jealousy, fear, and sadness because of you. I want to explore these new emotions, and why _you_ induce them."

Kida tilted his head. "Izaya-san, could it be that you're in love with me?"

"No," the informant responded plainly. "I care for your wellbeing more than any other human, and I find you exceptionally interesting, but I certainly wouldn't use such a strong word to describe my emotions."

"I see…"

Izaya didn't bother asking the boy if the sentiment was flipped between them. Masaomi had agreed to be straightforward with his thoughts and feelings, and he had faith that Kida would tell him if romantic feelings had developed—or at least express them in a manner the informant could pick up on.

Kida twined his arms around the man's neck and drew him closer. "Does this mean I get goodnight kisses and homemade breakfast?" he asked mockingly.

Izaya crossed his arms, unamused. "Don't speak to me in that tone."

Kida thought to give a snarky comment, but decided against it when he say Izaya's stern expression. He settled with rolling his eyes. "Whatever."

"If that's all, I'd like to take a shower now."

Masaomi nodded. "Let me know when I can use it."


	4. Chapter 4

_Aghh, you guys are all suddenly thanking me for writing and I don't know what to say. I am passionate about writing, and hearing that people like my work is indescribable. So, thank you guys for your constant encouragement. _

* * *

_~~I wasn't feeling anything, and that was terrifying~~_

As he sat on the couch along the windows, Kida watched the people below scurry around to take cover from the rain. He held a full champagne bottle in his hand. He took a large swig, delighting in the way it stung the back of his throat. Placing it on the ground, he lay back and rested his head on the arm of the couch. He closed his eyes and listened to the rain hit the windows; quiet thunder resounded. The teen frowned when he heard a door open. He wasn't in the mood for being criticized. He quickly hid the champagne behind the chair and returned to his previous position.

"Masaomi-kun, I got dinner. Come eat with me. Why are all the lights off?"

Kida groaned as the main light was switched on, and he turned to face the back of the couch. He didn't move when a hand touched his shoulder.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I just…get sleepy during thunderstorms—they're calming."

"All right. Well, like I said, I got food. Come eat."

"I'm not hungry," the boy mumbled. "I'll eat later."

"Okay, but if—" Izaya cut off abruptly, catching the reflection of an object in the window. He reached around the furniture and grabbed it. Frowning, he returned his hand to the teen's shoulder, pulling the boy to face him. He held the bottle up. "Masaomi-kun, were you planning to drink all of this tonight?"

"No," the teen replied blandly, not moving. "I put that there a few weeks ago and forgot about it."

"Haven't I told you not to lie to me?" He petted the boy's hair, waiting for the truth.

"Haven't I told you to fuck off?" Masaomi swatted the hand away. "I only had one sip. Leave me alone a—"

He hauled the boy into a sitting position and caressed his face. "Why can't you just tell me the truth?"

"Because you'll judge me." He refused to look at the man. When he drank, the older male looked at him with disapproval.

"I don't mean to judge you. I just want to help you," Izaya said softly.

"There's nothing to help with. I'm fine," he responded in an equally quiet voice, staring out the window.

"No, you're not, Masaomi-kun." Izaya took a seat next to him and wrapped his arms around the smaller male. "If you were fine, you wouldn't have finished an entire bottle of vodka in less than a week. I find beer and wine bottles hidden behind books and under furniture. Drinking in moderation is fine, but it's a warning sign that you're hiding it from me, and so much, too." He kissed the teen's head. "Tell me what's wrong."

Kida rested his head on the man's shoulder and placed his hands on the arms around him. "I don't know," he said quietly, his voice revealing that he was holding back tears. "I'm so…sad, all the time, but there's usually no reason for it." He let out a few sobs. "I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"You probably have Depression, the medical condition. I'll bring you to a psychiatrist so we can get you medication."

The teen scooted away, ending all contact. "I'm not going to pay a ridiculous amount of money to tell some stranger about my problems; that's just dumb. I don't need medication—I'm not sick."

"No, you're not physically sick, but—"

Kida clenched his fists and stood up. "I'm sick in the head? Is that what you were going to say? I'm not crazy, so I'm not going to be put on medication that I don't need! I'm sad because I have so much to deal with; I was exaggerating when I said that it was constant with no reason behind it. Don't treat me like I'm insane for sometimes being sad!"

Izaya laced his fingers together and calmly looked at the boy. "Are you finished?"

He became angry again. "Don't even—"

"You're finished. Come sit next to me and listen to what I have to say."

Kida crossed his arms defiantly. "No."

"Masaomi, get over here now. I will not stand for disobedience," he replied, his tone icy, but still controlled.

"I'm not a dog. I don't have to follow your every command," the teen scoffed.

"I will give you one last chance to comply. Otherwise, you will be punished."

Kida rolled his eyes and turned away. "I don't want to deal with this right now. I'm going home."

Izaya stood up and crossed his arms. "Come over here and receive your punishment. Don't make me force you, Masaomi. You have already learned from experience that disobeying until I give you no choice is a route that will involve merciless pain. I will only say this once more. Come here and receive your punishment."

He wanted to leave, to get away from that cold voice and those sinister eyes. But Izaya meant what he'd said. After taking a deep breath, he moved in front of the man and bowed his head.

The informant tilted the boy's chin up. "Do you have something to say to me?"

"I'm sorry, Izaya-san," he said shakily.

"That's a good boy," Izaya said while petting the teen's head, as if he were a pet. "You're here for my help, but I can't do that if you won't listen to my advice. Now turn around and sit."

Masaomi obeyed. He sat cross-legged and anxiously played with his fingers. He removed his shirt when told, and awaited his consequence. He shivered when Izaya kissed his shoulder.

Kida's fingers clutched his knees when cool metal grazed his skin. It trailed down his spine.

Izaya's knife dragged along his back. The tip touched him in some places, but blood wasn't drawn. It finally stopped at the nape of his neck. The side of the blade turned so it was in a position for slicing. He said nothing and held in his whimpers, only permitting a few tears to escape. As he prepared for affliction, the object on his neck was replaced with lips. Arms encircled his waist.

"Izaya-san?"

"Did you believe that I would do it?"

"Yes..."

"Then you have learned your lesson. I'm impressed that you only cried a bit; you didn't beg for mercy. The fear you had of being punished in such a gruesome way was your punishment."

Masaomi let out a sigh of relief.

Izaya turned the boy around so they were face-to-face. "I don't believe asking you to sit next to me was a difficult or unpleasant task. I wasn't going to grope or yell at you; I simply wanted to talk. I'm not as bad of a person as you've made me out to be, Masaomi-kun. Listen to what I have to say and we'll get along swimmingly. You don't have to like me, but you must respect and trust me for this to work. If you don't, you'll end up as you were before. Obey me, and you will be content again, truly."

"I understand," he replied timidly.

"We're going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow. There, we will see whether or not he diagnoses you with Depression. If he does, we'll get you medication; if not, we'll work together on helping you to be happier without antidepressants. The man I'm taking you to see is highly praised for his diagnostic and therapeutic skills."

Kida looked into the man's eyes. _We. We'll. Together. _Izaya was sending him a clear message that he wasn't alone, and that was a nice feeling. He nodded slowly. "Okay."

Izaya picked up the boy's hand and played with his fingers. "You may tell him anything you please, except…what we do."

"Sex?"

"No. The methods I use to control you are affective, but somewhat immoral, and mostly illegal. I often treat you like a dog, rewarding you when you follow instructions and disciplining you when you act out. Tying you up against your will, briefly taking away one or more of your senses, making you believe that I'll harm you with knives, whips, and medieval torture styles, can put me in an asylum or prison, and no amount of connections could get me out for at least a few weeks. Now, these are unpleasant for you, but you understand that I do those things to help you, correct?"

Masaomi shivered, vividly remembering his punishments. "Yes."

"So, are we in agreement that you will not go into detail about how I help you?"

Kida nodded. "I won't say anything."

* * *

"All right," the man said as he checked his notepad, "Kida Masaomi. What brings you in today?"

Izaya answered. "He's been depressed for awhile now. He's expressed that he's sad without reason, and has lost interest in socializing or even going outside."

"Are you his brother? A friend, perhaps? If you aren't his guardian, it might be best for me to talk with Kida-kun alone."

"I'm the closest thing to a guardian figure he has. I watch out for him, though I'm mainly his lover."

Kida, who had previously been slouching on the comfortable chair, bolted upright and glared at the man on the couch next to him. "What the fuck? You aren't my lover!"

"Yes, I am. We regularly have intercourse, and neither of us has been intimate with another person since we first had sex."

He glanced at the doctor, and then returned his angered gaze to the informant. "You can't just tell people that we're lovers," he hissed.

Izaya shrugged. "Why not? We aren't doing anything illegal; I'm not your actual guardian, and you're the legal age of consent in Shinjuku."

"Are you embarrassed about your sexuality, Kida-kun?" the doctor cut in.

Masaomi turned red. "Wh-what? What do you mean? I'm not—I'm completely normal!"

"I never said you're abnormal. I asked if you're embarrassed about sleeping with another male."

"Well… Yeah, kinda." He nervously played with his fingers.

"And why is that?"

"It's nobody's business!"

"Kida-kun, if you want help, you'll have to cooperate. Now, why are you embarrassed?"

"I… I'm afraid of being judged. I want people to like me," he admitted quietly.

"I see." He wrote something on his notepad. "Why do you think you're sad so often?"

"I have a lot of things to be sad about."

"Such as…?"

"Well, I still feel a bit guilty about Saki, my parents hate me, Mikado and Anri forgot about me, I'm a complete failure, and Izaya is just fucking confusing."

"Saki was his previous girlfriend, whom he was unable to save from harm; Mikado and Anri were his best friends from his high school, which he dropped out of; his parents left him to live alone; I'm not exactly sure what the last part means," the informant explained.

"You're speaking of Orihara-san?"

"Yeah, I can't figure him out." He threw his legs over the side of the chair and played with the stress ball handed to him. "I mean, I still don't know the entirety of why he set me up with Saki only to take her away from me—brutally. And now he suddenly wants to help me. I was suspicious at first, but I've ruled out the theory of him using it as a cover solely to get in my pants. He seems to genuinely care about my problems—but he always has a hidden agenda. That one night when he stitched up my wrist, he said that he cares for me, but I don't know what that means for him. As far as I know, his definition of 'care' could be synonymous with 'sadism'. That's one thing I do know; he's definitely a sadist. _For sure_, and don't even ask how I know. There are actually very few things I know about him. He has two sisters, 'loves humanity' or whatever, works as an information broker, has the hots for me, is just fucking hot in general—and a god in bed, went to my high school, likes ootoro, and is really good at manipulating people. But that's pretty much it."

"Hey, at least you know all of that. I'm a private person, Masaomi-kun. Not many people are aware that my favorite food is ootoro, I'm a skilled sexual partner, and I only want to be with you for the rest of my life."

"Ah, so this is a one-sided relationship, then?"

"You tell me. I have no idea what he's thinking. At this point, I'm not sure if being with me forever consists of getting married or simply not being allowed to fuck anyone else ever. Not that I'd really mind. As much as I hate him, he's a good lay, and I feel…important to be, you know, _wanted_ by him. I see so many girls giggling when he walks by and women hopelessly trying to catch his attention, but he barely looks at them. But he looks at me as if I'm the one he's hopelessly trying to woo. I don't know if I'm just some passing obsession, or the light of his life. Whatever the meaning, I'm wanted by him in this moment, and it feels good."

The doctor looked at Izaya.

"Oh, I'm not going to explain myself. It's no fun if he knows what my feelings are towards him. Besides, I'm entitled to my privacy. Once he tells me that he loves me, I'll explain everything."

"Never going to happen," Kida scoffed.

"All right, we need to get back on track here. If Orihara-san is going to be distracting—"

"I want him to stay," he said, with heaviness to his tone that made the older males raise their eyebrows.

"Let's continue, then. What do you like to do for fun?"

"Party and have sex."

"He used to be fond of manga and television shows, was very social—without alcohol, and hated to be indoors for too long. All of that has changed. I often come home to him staring out the window or asleep on the couch in early afternoon. He's greatly lost his appetite, and will often forget to eat if I don't put food in front of him."

"Are these things true, Kida-kun?"

"Izaya knows me better than anyone else. You might as well be talking only to him; he won't try to cover anything up due to embarrassment or self-consciousness as I would."

"Okay…" He turned to the informant. "Is there anything else I should know?"

"He uses sex and alcohol as coping mechanisms for emotional pain, which I've been steering him away from, he has trouble trusting people—though that's partly my fault—and often doesn't think of the consequences of his actions. He's not as energetic and bubbly as he used to be, and when he is, it's only for a short period of time. That's it."

"Well, Kida-kun, it sounds like you have Depression. I'll start you out on a low dosage of Wellbutrin, and we'll move up from there as needed, all right? I'd like to see you in a month."

Masaomi nodded. "Okay."

The doctor handed Izaya a prescription slip. "Here you go."

Izaya took it, and then Masaomi's hand, and walked towards the door. "Thanks, Doc."

* * *

**6 weeks later**

Izaya turned the key in the lock and entered his apartment. As he walked into the main area, he noticed a pair of shoes in the foyer.

"Masa—" He was unable to finish his sentence due to his loss of breath when a teenager threw himself on the informant, nearly knocking him over.

"Izaya-san!" Kida tightly held onto the man and smiled up. "You've been gone for sooo looong. I've been really bored all alone in here. Now that you're back, we can have lotss of fun!" He spun around and fell onto the couch, giggling.

_He's drunk_. "Masaomi-kun," he said, his tone light. "I told you not to drink when you're alone." He sat next to the boy's head and watched the teen roll onto his stomach and rise to his elbows.

"I thought I'd get a head start before you came home. I didn't have too much."

"You really shouldn't mix your medication with alcohol."

"I didn't take it today—or the past week. It's not working."

"All right… What did you have?"

"That bottle of wine you brought home the other day." He unsteadily sat up and leaped onto the man's lap.

Izaya raised his eyebrows. "All of it?"

"Nopee! I left half for you. C'mon, Izaya-san, drink!"

_Half? Half of the whole bottle?_ "I'd love to, but I'm meeting a client tomorrow morning, and I don't want to be hung over. It's unprofessional." He placed a supportive hand on the wobbly blond's back.

Masaomi pouted. "You're such a drag. You have all of this booze, but you never drink any of it!"

"Ah, but I don't buy it very often. You're the one who keeps the fridge stocked with expensive alcohol and spirits."

Kida shot him an innocent look. "How could I? I don't have the money for anything other than cheap stuff."

"Do you really think I don't know? When you crash here, you wait until I've fallen asleep, and then take one of my credit cards from my wallet."

Masaomi threw his arms around Izaya's neck and sloppily pecked his lips. "You're so smart, Izaya-san!"

"A conversation about this behavior is overdue, as well as one about not taking your medication. We will discuss it tomorrow afternoon."

Masaomi flopped onto his back and pulled the man on top of him. "Does that mean I get to stay the night?" His fingers skimmed Izaya's side; his eyes burned with passion.

"You're always welcome to sleep over." He bent down and kissed the boy's jawbone.

"If you partied more, you'd be my dream man, Izaya-san."

"Oh yeah?" He licked Kida's ear. "What's the criteria for your perfect man?"

Masaomi shuddered. "H-he has to be taller than me, because I prefer to bottom, and being topped by a shorter guy would just be weird. Along with that, he has to be, like, I can't remember the right word—confident or dominant, or something like that. I like intelligent guys, the ones you can have long, deep conversations with, but he can't be too egotis-something or other. Then, he has to be or have at least three of these: sexy body, pretty eyes, good kisser, athletic, good at oral, low voice, kinky, and a big dick. The last one is a must, though; I don't want to be with someone who can't hit the good places deep inside me. Finally, he has to know how to party. You fit all of that, minus the partying. If only you weren't so prideful and manipulative."

"You must've really thought this over if you can recite it perfectly while completely wasted. Hm, but I wonder… You said that I meet all the other criteria, one of which is oral sex, but I've never gone down on you. Why did you say I am?" He gave Masaomi a wicked smirk.

"Ummm, I don't know." He shrugged. "You're a good kisser, and you're good in bed, in general. I just added the two up."

"Do you want me to demonstrate my abilities?"

"Y-yeah."

Izaya slithered down the boy's body, unzipped his pants, and pulled out his stiff member. He glanced up to see Kida struggling to stay on his elbows. He grasped the teen's hips and pushed so Masaomi ended up leaning against the couch arm. With a wink, he started to pump the erect length.

Masaomi yipped when he experienced a new, strange feeling. He looked down at the man with wide eyes. "Y-you put them in your mouth!"

Izaya moved back. "Does it not feel good?"

Kida thought for a moment. He'd been given blowjobs before, but nobody had ever thought to play with his balls. "No… It feels really good," he breathed. "Keep going." He moaned as his neglected lower parts were taken into a warm mouth and caressed by a slick tongue. He carefully guided the man's face to his prick, wordlessly giving a request.

Izaya rubbed the boy's thigh as he laid wet kisses along the twitching length.

"Hnn, I-Izaya-san, stop teasing," he whined.

After breathing a small chuckle, Izaya swallowed the member to the hilt and bobbed his head. Kida cried out, feeling a slippery tongue and tight throat. "G-gonna come~" His body released the built up heat inside of him, and he trembled, watching as the informant tilted his head back and swallowed the thick liquid.

"So how was I?"

"Fucking…amazing."

Izaya coaxed the boy to raise his hips so he could remove the garments. He poked at Kida's entrance. "Masaomi-kun, will you be angry with me tomorrow if I bed you while you're drunk?"

"I'm not that drunk," he assured. "I-I want you inside of me, Izaya-san."

"Ne, Masaomi-kun, have you been planning this all along?" He sat up and pulled the boy onto his lap.

"Maybee~" he giggled.

Izaya's expression turned serious. "I shouldn't allow this. We should wait until you're sober."

Masaomi pouted. "Don't you want me?" He grabbed Izaya's hand and seductively licked his fingers.

The informant grew harder at the sight of the boy devouring his digits and looking at him lustfully. "You're a skilled temptress, but the answer is still no."

Kida rubbed the older male's crotch and brought the wet fingers to his rear. He leaned forward and kissed the man's neck as he stuck his ass high in the air. "Please? If I'm mad at you tomorrow, it will only be because I can't walk."

Izaya's hand slid up to modestly hold the boy's waist. "I'm not refusing you because I'm fearful of your wrath; I'm refusing you because getting wasted and fucked is exactly what I'm trying to keep you from doing."

"But I'm with you, not some random guy," he persuaded.

"That doesn't make a difference. I'm not having sex with a drunken, slutty teenager." He lifted Masaomi off of his lap and set him on the couch. "Put your clothes on." He stood and walked away.

After a few moments of sitting in shock, he hastily dressed, fumbling with the zipper long enough for Izaya to return and help him. Tea was placed on the table in front of him. "Here, drink this."

Masaomi sniffled, and then blinked until his vision was clear. "I think I should go home now." He abruptly stood up and walked towards the exit.

Izaya caught the boy's arm. "Why are you leaving?"

"I don't want to overstay my welcome. After all, you have more important things to do than hang around with a slut. I'm so stupid…"

"Masaomi—"

Kida turned around, revealing his saddened countenance. "Let me go."

"I can't do that."

"You can stop pretending that I'm someone you could ever want. I'm leaving now."

"I—"

"Let go of me!" he screamed.

Reluctantly, Izaya released the boy's arm and watched him run out of the apartment. He walked over to the windows and looked down at the sidewalk. "Shit. I shouldn't have called him that." After a few minutes, he still hadn't seen Masaomi run out of the building. Confused, he slipped on his coat and left his apartment. After checking the hallway, he quietly descended the stairwell. Once at the bottom, he silently slipped out, making sure the door didn't shut loudly and signal his presence. Masaomi was leaning against the wall, facing the doorway, alternating between looking outside and checking his phone. Concluding that the boy had called someone to pick him up, he hid behind a large plant to spy on Masaomi.

After a few minutes, the door opened and a man stepped into the lobby. He was fairly tall; Masaomi had to nearly crane his neck to greet him. He wore a black, double-breasted suit with a white tie, but it was still obvious that he was well built. His irises were almost as dark as his jet-black hair, which was neatly slicked back.

He appeared to be in his early thirties, but his age wasn't what bothered Izaya the most. The informant recognized him as a chief member of a powerful yakuza gang. They specialized in the human trafficking of female _and_ male teenagers. Masaomi was attractive, good in bed, and within the age range the gang searched for. The boy had no idea whom he was getting involved with.

Masaomi raised his arms and smiled. "Come here. You're too tall." The man obeyed, and Kida touched his face. "I like it when you're clean shaven."

"I shaved down there, too," the man replied in a deep voice.

Masaomi pulled the man down further and kissed him. Izaya's fingernails sank into his palm as he watched someone else touch what belonged to him. How dare some yakuza come into _his_ building and touch _his_ Masaomi.

After a minute, the man straightened up and looked around. "So… Orihara Izaya? He's dangerous, you know. Caused a lot of trouble for my boss a few months back when he threatened to go to the police with some pictures. He's still got that over us. If I sleep with his guy, it might set him off."

Izaya noticed the teen's expression drop slightly. "I don't mean anything to him. He doesn't care who I get with."

"If you're certain… Are you ready to go now?"

"Yeah. Your house?"

"My wife and son are home. Besides, my boss is holding an auction at a nice hotel tonight a few minutes away. I can get a room, free of charge."

"You mean _that_ kind of auction?"

"Yes, why?"

"I should be wary. What if you're only taking me there to sell me off?" he joked.

The man grabbed Kida's ass. "The only reason I'd put you up for auction would be so _I_ could buy you."

Masaomi flinched. "Smooth, as always."

The yakuza laid an arm across the teen's shoulders and walked forward. "Let's go."

As soon as the pair was out of sight, Izaya left his hiding place and leaned against the back wall. "God, he's such an idiot. How could he not see through that lie?" Izaya already had an idea of what was going to happen once Masaomi entered that hotel. He would be taken to a private room, where the man would carry out what he'd been summoned for. After that, however, Masaomi would be drugged and put up for auction. This man valued his gang more than a provocative teenager, and would readily get on his boss' good side by giving him a supple boy for prostitution.

Izaya stared at the ceiling and contemplated. That hotel was swarming with gang members. If Izaya tried to take Masaomi at any point, he'd be hopelessly outnumbered. He couldn't attend the event because, as the man had told Kida, he had blackmailed the gang, and would be kidnapped and tortured. For once, he wondered if this was a situation he couldn't control.

* * *

Masaomi lay on his back, trying to catch his breath. "I can't remember why I stopped sleeping with you. Fuck, that was amazing."

"My wife was on to us."

"You should leave her and get with me."

"I would, but people finding out that I left my wife and kid to hook up with a boy barely older than my son would hurt my image."

Kida watched the man leave the bed and get dressed. "Do you have to go to that deal tonight?"

"I do."

"Aw, but I want another round. Don't leave. I'll be bored all alone up here," he whined.

The yakuza grabbed something out of a bag. "You're not going to be bored tonight. In fact, this will be a night that you'll never forget."

"What do you—Hey!" He struggled as he was pinned down and a cloth was held over his face. Before he fainted, he thought about how he should've worked things out with Izaya instead of being brash.

When he came to, he tried to rub his eyes, only to find his hands tied behind him. He was in a cage tall enough for him to sit comfortably, but not high enough to stand in. He called out for help, but a gag muffled his cries. He was chilly, and was horrified when he realized that he was completely naked. He had no time to think up an escape plan, because his ex-lover entered the room and opened his cage.

"Sorry, kid. The sex was great, but we're gonna make a lot of money on you. You're perfect for this, you know? You have no family or friends to notice you've gone missing, you're really hot for a teenager, and you're quite talented in the bedroom." He pulled Masaomi up by his hair and then pushed him forward. "Go down the hallway. If you try to escape, I'll cut off one of your toes. Cooperate, and you'll be fine."

Kida whimpered quietly, and then slowly walked forward. Cheers and clapping got louder as he neared his destination.

"Next up, we have a 17-year-old who is far from a virgin. He'll top or bottom, and is exceptionally skilled in the bedroom. He's feisty, agile, and strong-willed. Let's start the bidding at ¥20,000,000 for the former shōgun of the Yellow Scarves, Kida Masaomi!" He was thrown onto the stage with a force that sent him tumbling to the ground. Rough hands sat him up and held his legs apart, showing the crowd his naked body. He thrashed and made muffled noises, but the hands gripped harder each time, and he soon stopped struggling altogether. He bowed his head and held back tears as men began to yell out rising prices. If he weren't terrified, he'd be flattered by how high people were bidding.

After a minute or two, the room went quiet. It seemed that nobody wanted to match the current price. Just as the announcer was about to end the auction, a deep, loud voice said, "¥1,000,000,000."

Masaomi joined the rest of the crowd in raising his eyebrows and looking for whom the voice belonged to.

"Will anyone go higher?" the announcer asked. Silence. "All right, sold for ¥1,000,000,000 to this fine gentleman. Come claim your prize."

A yakuza member stepped onto the stage and handed the announcer a briefcase. He opened it to reveal a large amount of money, which certainly fit the price. The man walked towards Masaomi, and then looked at the guy holding him down. "Let him go. I can handle him." He brought Kida to his feet and ushered him offstage by holding onto his tied hands. He was guided into a small dressing room, where his hands were untied and his gag was pulled off.

"There are clothes for you on the rack over there. Dress quickly and we'll go."

Kida silently dressed in the jeans and loose sweatshirt, not bothering to try to run past the large man and escape. He turned around to look at his owner when he'd finished. The man wrapped an arm around his waist and led him out of the room and out a back exit. The hand was removed, and he ran towards the alley's opening.

"Aren't you going to thank me for literally saving your ass?"

Masaomi spun around to see a man standing a few feet away from him. He nearly crumbled to the ground in relief when he saw who it was. He lunged forward and fell into open arms. "Izaya-san," he murmured, relieved.

Izaya wrapped an arm around the boy and soothingly petted his hair with his free hand. "It's okay now, Masaomi-kun. You're safe with me."

"Izaya-san," he repeated, his voice a whisper. "Izaya-san. Izaya-san."

"I'm going to take you to my apartment now. Is that okay with you?"

The boy nodded, wiping his face on his sweatshirt and sniffling. The informant held his hand as he paid the man who "bought" Masaomi. Once that was finished, he was guided to the back of a car. Inside, he clung to the man, closing his eyes and listening to the soothing voice tell him that Izaya would always protect him.

After Izaya closed the door to his apartment, he placed the boy on his feet. Masaomi had refused to let go of him, so he'd carried him from the car to his home.

As soon as Kida's feet touched the ground, he threw his arms around Izaya's neck and pulled him into a forceful kiss. The man gently pressed him against the wall in his foyer and slowed the boy's frantic movements so the kiss was controlled and soft, rather than sloppy and erratic. Izaya grabbed one of the hands buried in his hair and held it in his. He idly played with the slim fingers.

Kissing Izaya was a feeling he'd yet to think of how to recreate. Izaya's slow movements and gentle touches calmed him. The informant didn't kiss him often, and he felt it inappropriate to initiate, so he cherished these moments. He never wanted to let go once they started, and he was usually in an embarrassing daze for a few seconds when the man pulled away. He always wanted to bring him back, but was unable to muster up enough nerve—unless, of course, he was drunk.

"As long as we can still kiss like this," Masaomi murmured, "I don't care if we never have sex again."

Izaya smiled against the boy's lips. "I'd prefer to do both."

"Deal," Kida said with a smile.

"Masaomi-kun, about earlier… I shouldn't have said that. I was trying to stop your advances before I gave in, and I knew that labeling you in that way would get you to back off. I'm not the best with emotions, so I didn't understand how greatly it would upset you."

Kida looked up at the informant with big brown eyes. "You really didn't mean it?"

"No, I said that I wouldn't have sex with you because, in that moment, it was exactly what I wanted to do. But I couldn't, because that would be counterproductive. You're difficult to resist, Masaomi-kun, and it takes a great deal of self-control to say no when you're effectively seducing me."

"So, basically, I make you weak," he concluded.

"I wouldn't go that far."

Masaomi closed his eyes and drew the informant closer. "Thank you for saving me, Izaya-san. If you hadn't done that… Wait, how did you know?"

"I was in the lobby when that disgusting yakuza scum came to pick you up. I could tell what his intentions were, and I happen to currently have a guy undercover in that gang—who'd be welcomed into the auction—so I called and told him to buy you." He paused. "You were hooking up with a married man? How old is he, by the way?"

"A few months back, I met his 16-year-old son at a club. When I got to his house, I told him I changed my mind, and then snuck away with his dad. He's 35. For nearly two months, we had sex on and off at random hotels—and even his house when his wife wasn't home. She caught me leaving their house one day and I told her that I was giving him a message from my dad, but I don't think she believed me. It happened again a few days later—she saw me walking out of the bedroom with him… We stopped seeing each other after that."

"So this wasn't a guy you barely knew, then?"

"I knew him. After two weeks, he took me to a high-profile restaurant and told me what he did for a living. He said that he was only involved with the money part, and I figured that, since he didn't even try to hide it, that I was safe. I mean, I actually had feelings for this guy. I know I was just a good lay to him, but I felt a connection."

Masaomi hadn't realized he was being moved until Izaya placed him on his lap on the couch. "Were you in love with him?"

"No, definitely not. I've dated a few guys, but I've never been in love."

Izaya laid the boy down. He bent his head and kissed Kida's neck while his hands explored Masaomi's torso.

Masaomi gently grabbed the informant's hair and pulled him down for a kiss. Izaya turned, and licked his ear instead. Frowning, he swatted away the hands reaching for his pants and moved his head away from the man's mouth.

Izaya rose to his hands, his expression showing his confusion. "Is something wrong?"

"It's just… Why won't you kiss me when we have sex?" he whispered, rubbing his arm in a self-conscious manner. "You deliberately avoid it, moving away when I try to kiss you. We do it at other times, but not when we're intimate."

"That's because I associate sex with unbridled pleasure, and kissing with emotions."

"I don't understand…"

"I consider sex to be an outlet for release. Before we started this affair, I only had sex when my body's urges grew uncomfortable to ignore, and I satisfied that by having sex with people whom I am not attached to in any way. It is raw and dirty and rough. Kissing, on the other hand, is an act of affection. It's a way to soothe worries and connect with someone you enjoy doting on. It is delicate and passionate. The two clash, and that is why I prefer to keep them as separate activities."

Izaya pecked the boy's cheek. "I've never kissed someone I was sexually involved with, so this is a new experience. If it upsets you that I classify them differently, I will make an exception."

_This is a trap._ Kida wished that Izaya's red eyes weren't so mesmerizing. This was what he wanted, but he couldn't help but think that the informant wished for Masaomi to accept the offer; Izaya wanted Kida to make him do something he was uncomfortable with. Izaya didn't partake in activities unappealing to him, and a teenage sex friend shouldn't be able to make him change his ways. Still, Masaomi wanted this. He didn't see how two people could sleep together without kissing. It felt wrong to him, somehow.

Kida nodded slowly. "Okay." He paused. "If you consider kissing affectionate, and you dislike physical contact, who have you kissed?"

"You'd think I'm a horrible person if I told you."

"I already think you're a horrible person. C'mon, I told you about a guy I dated; tell me."

Izaya sighed. "Teenage girls are emotional, naïve humans. On occasions that I needed to get information or a favor from one of them, some would ask me to make out with them as compensation."

"Um, why would you accept?"

"Because I knew that they would become infatuated with me and freely give me information in the future. Also, I'd only ever done it two or three times in high school, so I wanted to see what humans consider criteria for good kissing. Apart from my high school days, every girl I've kissed has commented on the skill I have with my tongue."

"So… I'm the first guy you've ever made out with?" Masaomi asked, feeling a bit special.

Izaya grinned. "I kissed Shizu-chan as a prank once just after high school. He thought he loved me after that, so he pushed me into an alley about a week later and kissed me until he decided that, just because I'm a good kisser, it didn't mean that he loved me. It was rather amusing, actually. He got red-faced every time he saw me for a month afterwards."

"So… You've had lots of experience…"

"Far less than you. Do you even know how many people you've slept with?"

Masaomi paled and looked away. He knew it was true, but he hated when people even hinted that he was a slut. "No."

Izaya saw the boy's expression and realized that his comment had been insensitive. He bent down and kissed Kida's cheek. "It doesn't matter how many people you've been with; you're with me now."

Masaomi smiled. "You and your corny lines."

"It's interesting that you call them corny, considering that they always get me in your pants."

"That's not because they're good; it's because the way you try is endearing."

"Enough talking. I'm horny."

Kida rolled his eyes. "You know, there's a way to express that without ruining the mood." He pulled the man down and kissed him as he guided Izaya's hands toward his pants. He felt the informant smile against his lips as the clothing from both males was removed. Izaya slid in with little difficulty, and Masaomi grimaced, remembering why he was loose. He returned his attention to the movements of his lips as Izaya gently thrusted in and out, rolling his hips at a casual pace to compliment the way they were kissing.

"Is this too weird for you?"

"It's rather pleasant, actually. I feel…closer to you."

Masaomi nodded. In the past, he would've made fun of the man for such a confession. But he and Izaya had promised that they wouldn't lie to each other about their feelings, so no judgment was dealt out. "Me too."

Izaya kissed along Kida's neck. "This is gratifying. I'm enjoying mixing my lust with my emotions. I've never… This is a new emotion. I don't know what it is."

"It's what I feel every time we sleep together. I've been somewhat emotionally invested in sex with you since the third or fourth time. It's better than being with a random person, right?" He moaned as Izaya angled his hips.

"Yes." Both males groaned, arching their backs and closing their eyes as they finished. Izaya threw their condoms in the trashcan next to the couch, which had recently migrated from its spot beside the extra desk.

Kida put his boxers on and straddled Izaya's thighs as he locked their lips together.

The informant stopped moving. He looked at Masaomi with a confused, slightly scared, expression. "That feeling I got when we were having sex… Does this mean I'm in love with you?"

Kida was taken aback by the confident informant's strange behavior, but he quickly recovered and smiled. "Your feelings aren't any different than before. You feel this way because you've finally allowed yourself to focus on more than how I make you feel physically during an intimate activity. You're comfortable with me; we've been doing this for a while. It's finally clicked that you meant what you said about not wanting to have another sexual partner, which means that you don't have to be cautious about giving me the wrong idea or saying something that could be misinterpreted as romantic. This is how sex is supposed to be—between two people who trust each other, and are as much at ease together as we are apart. This is natural."

"I'm not in love with you," Izaya insisted shakily.

"I wasn't suggesting that you are." Masaomi tilted his head. "Izaya-san, why are you afraid to fall in love?"

"Shut up! I said I don't love you!" He slapped the boy's cheek and roughly shoved him away. Before Kida fell off the couch, he reached out for the smaller male and held him tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Masaomi awkwardly patted the man on his back. "It's all right. It's not like this is the first time you've slapped me…"

"There's something wrong with me. I don't want to feel like this." He lowered his forehead onto the boy's shoulder. "I think about you all the time; it hurts me to see you in pain; your smile makes me happy; the thought of losing you… Nobody else can have you." He pushed Kida back and held his face in his hands. "Nobody else is allowed to touch you, or talk to you, or even look at you for too long. You belong to me. I will rip apart limb from limb anyone who stands in the way of you being with only me. Do you understand, Masaomi? _You're mine_."

Kida shivered at the low growl of Izaya's voice and his wild eyes. He knew that Izaya wanted him to himself, but he never knew how far his possessiveness reached. It wasn't just possessiveness, Masaomi now knew. Izaya was absolutely terrified of his emotions. He was scared of how strongly he felt for Masaomi, and he was afraid that he would be rejected.

"I know I'm yours. I'm yours, Izaya-san, and I always will be."

Izaya moved his hands from Masaomi's head to his waist, slightly calmed. "I won't let go of you... You need me."

"I do need you."

Izaya held Masaomi close. He kissed him with a passion he'd never felt for anyone. He couldn't tell Masaomi how he felt because _he_ didn't know how he felt—he didn't want to find out, fearful that his own emotions would tear him apart. "That was a moment of weakness—a brief occurrence of vulnerability. If you ever speak of this, you'll be sorry."

"Of course, Izaya-san. I'm far too fearful to bring upon your wrath."

"As you should be. It's late, you should go now."

Kida's expression dropped for a moment. He'd expected to be invited to sleep over after such a crazy, emotional night. "Right." After one more peck on the lips, Masaomi hopped off the man's lap and put on his jacket. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'm going to be fairly busy for the next few days. I'll be leaving in the early morning and coming home late at night."

"I really have nothing else to do other than sleep and eat... Do you mind if I hang out here while you're away? I'd just watch movies and play video games."

"Don't you have multiple jobs? You already spend most of your time with me. If you don't get back to them, you'll be fired."

"Well, the hours are pretty flexible, and my bosses like me—" Masaomi suddenly felt that he was unwelcome. "You're right, I should go now… Call me?"

"Mhm."

Masaomi walked towards the door, expecting to be stopped and apologized to. He paused briefly as he placed his hand on the knob, but Izaya didn't grab his shoulder or tell him not to leave. He slipped out of the apartment and silently walked home alone.


	5. Chapter 5

_~~The memories always came back~~_

It took two weeks. Those two weeks were spent working his boring jobs and lying around at home. Finally, as he was about to fall asleep one night, his phone chimed.

_Come to my place tomorrow?_

Masaomi's stomach fluttered. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed Izaya until he was allowed to see him again.

_Sure thing. What time?_

Izaya answered right away.

_Between 9 and 14 would be preferable._

Masaomi stared at his screen, somehow incapable of deciding how to reply. He typed out many different responses. _Okay, see you soon. _He scratched his chin. "That seems too direct."

_Should I bring anything?_ The blonde tugged on his hair. "Idiot. Why would I need to bring anything?"

_That sounds good. How have you been lately? I haven't seen you in a while._ "Does he want to talk? I shouldn't annoy him with pointless questions if he's just looking for a quick response." His phone chimed again.

_Is that all right?_

"Did I wait too long to respond?" Kida glanced at the time. "Only five minutes…" He took a deep breath. "Why am I so concerned about a stupid text conversation?" He quickly sent a text before he could take it back.

_Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight._ After a few minutes of anxiously staring at the screen for a reply, he put his phone down and shut his eyes. They opened when his text tone sounded.

_Can't wait to see you. Goodnight, Masaomi._

Kida caught himself smiling as he read over the message a couple of times. He shut his phone and flipped over, quickly drifting off.

* * *

Kida stared at the tall ceiling, listening to Izaya's fingers fly across the keyboard. Every once in awhile, the informant would answer the phone to confirm jobs or set up appointments. He liked to hear Izaya talk. He used his voice as a weapon, reeling people in and then putting them in their place. When he insulted them, his tone was condescending, yet soft—making it difficult to tell when they were being mocked. Izaya's voice was like his personality—dangerous and controlled. Kida could sit back and listen for hours.

"Ah, but that information comes with a price... I can meet you at the café on 2nd... Yes, in Ikebukuro—the one three blocks from your apartment." More typing drifted into Kida's ears. "I have an opening on Tuesday at 13:00... I'll see you then."

"Don't your fingers and wrists tire from being on that computer so much?"

"No. I occasionally strengthen them through small exercises to prevent aches or injuries."

The teen's lips curved into a subtle smile. Izaya often took part in odd activities that were completely rational—sewing a secret pocket on the inside of his jackets for anything he needed safe and hidden, printing out his itineraries in a code only he could understand, changing his passwords on his computer and email accounts every other Monday, carefully comparing his credit card statements to receipts every month, checking his reflexes every three weeks. It didn't take long for Kida to realize that he was the only one to discover many of Izaya's tics.

This knowledge made him feel privileged because, as much as he loathed the informant, Orihara Izaya was an elusive, mysterious creature that never revealed anything about himself, even to people he regularly conversed with. Others weren't able to watch the man analytically consider which switchblade to carry for the day, or use his personal laptop after being told the ever-changing password. Only Masaomi was allowed to curl up on the couch in Izaya's favorite fur-trimmed coat—as he was now—and read through his large collection of books.

"Why do you trust me? I hate you. How are you so sure that I won't abuse the freedom you give me here or blackmail you with personal details about you that I've learned?"

Izaya rested his chin in the palm of his hand and looked over at the reclining teenager. "A few reasons. Firstly, you are incapable of blackmailing me without suffering a horrible fate—I have more things over you than you could ever imagine. Secondly, your credibility is weak among those who'd want information about me. Shōgun or not, you're a teenager, and few would believe the means by which you found out my habits and such. Lastly, and most importantly, you have concluded that it is a luxury to be close to me. With that in mind, you've grown comfortable around me. You nap on my couch while I'm working just across the room; you leave your phone lying around without suspicion that I'll do something with it; you sleep in my bed, contently drifting off in my arms. You're attached to this lifestyle, being with someone whom you share strong mutual trust with, and doing anything against me would shatter our precious relationship." Izaya circled his desk and walked towards the boy.

"You'd have nowhere to turn when you're in need of someone who understands whom you really are; my home would no longer be your refuge, an escape from the horrors of the outside world." He climbed on top of Masaomi and stared at him with piercing ruby eyes. "There would be an emptiness inside of you from losing me, and it would devour you—slowly, painfully, until you come begging for forgiveness." Izaya's sadistic grin shifted into a playful smile. "And that, my dear, is why you will never betray me, and you will never leave me."

He combed through the boy's golden hair and bent his head, scattering kisses along the teen's jaw, neck, and collarbones. He slowly removed his coat from Masaomi.

"Maybe I'll leave before it's too late."

"It's already too late, Masaomi-kun." Izaya lifted Kida's shirt; Masaomi's arms rose to aid in its removal. He slid his hands all over the warm torso, kissing and nipping the newly exposed skin. Masaomi shut his eyes and relished in the older male's touch, shuddering as the hands moved lower, lower, and then upwards, teasing him. "You've unconditionally given me your trust; you've given me everything with only hope that I won't hurt you again."

"Are you? Are you going to hurt me again? Are you going to take everything I have and destroy it, like you once did?" he asked, his steady voice edged with underlying fear.

"No. I am the god of your world, and I won't destroy myself."

"I thought my past is my god."

"It was, but you've let go. You _want_ me to control you, unlike your past. You've found a god that is not a nuisance or a burden."

"This is exactly what you wanted, isn't it? To replace my problems with you?"

"Yes. You've slowly fallen into my grasp, and will never be able to get out—not that you would ever want to."

"How could I? I get all the booze and sex I want here." Izaya frowned. "I'm joking. Well, maybe not about the sex." He closed his eyes and bit his lip as Izaya's hands dipped lower, finally grazing over the bulge in his pants. His fingernails dug into his palms as his remaining garments were removed at an agonizingly slow pace.

Izaya's kisses moved from the boy's neck to his navel, where he left his mark. He snaked lower and sucked on Masaomi's thigh just before where it connected with his torso. His fingers gently dragged through short hairs. "You should shave here."

"Why?"

"I'd like to be able to access that area with my mouth; I also would prefer for my nose not to touch it each time I graciously deep throat you. Besides that, it simply looks nicer—neater."

"Why should I shave just to make things more convenient for you?"

The informant kissed Kida's thigh. "Because I'm asking you to do it for me." He looked into Masaomi's eyes, and then stared at his throbbing member. He put his head over the length like he was going to take it in, but then rose to his knees and crawled forward. His tongue slowly circled Kida's nipple; the other was lightly pinched and twisted until both were fully erect. "Let's make you so sensitive, that I can make you come with a single touch."

Masaomi shut his eyes and smiled. "Sounds good to me." His eyes flew open when Izaya swallowed his prick to the hilt. He gasped and rose to his elbows, catching Izaya's stare as the man skillfully bobbed his head. He whimpered and collapsed onto his back again when the contact was removed. Izaya's tongue was suddenly grazing his ear; he nipped and licked and sucked until Kida was sweating. Masaomi eagerly sucked on the fingers shoved in his mouth.

Izaya slowly slid one finger into Masaomi, pausing each time a knuckle went in. He did the same with another finger. He curled them inside of the boy and stroked his already twitching walls. "Are you getting close?"

"I was hoping that I could finish without you realizing how close I was."

"That was a naughty thought, Masaomi-kun. I'm going to make you wait longer for even considering such a thing." He lightly pressed against the boy's prostate.

"Fuck… That feels so good."

With a few more thrusts, Izaya removed his fingers, snickering at the desperate whine that escaped his young lover. He lazily licked from Kida's base to his tip, and then spit on the top, watching his saliva slowly descend.

"You're driving me crazy with this teasing," Masaomi breathed. His body was trembling, coated with sweat. His face was pink, and he panted quietly.

"Do you want to come?"

"Yes, so badly." His body twitched as he heard the sound of Izaya unzipping his pants. He opened his legs wider and stared at the red eyes above him. Izaya slammed into him, making his whole body contract. The man held him down as he cried out and released the built up heat inside of him. He looked at his lover, unable to speak, as the informant picked up a pace, lengthening his afterglow.

"How was that?"

"I have never…felt so amazing…in my life. That was so worth waiting for. Keep fucking me until I pass out. I want to feel you inside me until my body shuts down from the pleasure."

"How lewd my actions have made you... I'll fulfill your wish, being the selfless lover that I am."

"I'll let that comment slide this time. I feel too good to argue." He pulled Izaya down and kissed him as he felt himself about to finish again. He cried out in protest when the man stopped moving. "Shit. I'll say anything you want; just keep going. You're the best lover I've ever had; nobody else can satisfy me now that I've been with you; you are a fucking sex god that deserves my eternal servitude towards your huge cock. Please, please let me finish, oh mighty Orihara-sama."

Amused, Izaya gave another thrust and watched the boy thrash around beneath him, crying out profanities and moaning his name. He smiled down when the boy had finished. "'Oh mighty Orihara-sama'?"

"I'll do it."

"You mean shaving?"

"Yeah, if that's what you want."

Izaya chuckled quietly. "Our session was rather pleasurable, I take it?"

"Indescribable."

The man reached down and lightly raked his fingers on the skin around the patch of hair. "Do you want me to do it for you, since you never have before?"

"I thought you got everything waxed."

"Most of the time, yes. However, I've done it myself on numerous occasions—waxing and shaving." He caught Masaomi's subtle frown. "What is it?"

"I don't like the thought of someone touching Izaya-san _everywhere_. I don't want anyone to know your body like I do."

Izaya smiled. "I'm glad we're finally on the same page," he said. I can teach you how to do it; that way, you can get the spots I can't reach."

"I'll do whatever you want, then."

Izaya smiled. He cupped the boy's cheek, noticing how he subtly leaned into the touch. "Oh, how you indulge my wants and fulfill my fantasies. I've had some fun times with you, Masaomi-kun, and certainly will in the future."

"Will it hurt?"

"Waxing hurts a bit, but the pain doesn't last more than a minute. Shaving might make it a bit itchy, especially as it starts to grow in again. It will feel somewhat strange for a day afterwards, but not much else. So, which will it be? Unless, of course, you've changed your mind."

"I haven't."

"You do understand the significance of what you're agreeing to, right?"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"Oh, but it is. It's not the action I'm talking about; I mean that you agreed so readily. You're changing the way you look, in a way that makes you uncomfortable, simply because I asked. Most people react quite differently when their lover wants them to change their physical appearance."

Masaomi sighed. "Don't blow this out of proportion. It doesn't mean anything. Is it really strange for me to shave some of my hair at my lover's request?"

"I suppose not, but I'm wondering what else you'd change for me?"

"There's something else?"

"I'm speaking hypothetically—but still answer like I'm really asking."

"I don't want to play your game, Izaya-san."

The informant smiled in a way that unsettled Kida. "But you're going to anyway."

"Okay…"

"What would you do if I were to say that the excessive hair on your body sickens me?"

"I would get rid of it, I guess."

The informant grinned. "Let's change this up…" He stroked the boy's cheek. "I think people who dye their hair bright colors are obnoxious, and I have trouble taking them seriously."

"Then…I'll change it back. It's killing my hair, anyway."

"Your current wardrobe doesn't flatter you at all, and I am unable to stare at your body when it's covered by baggy jeans and a loose sweatshirt. I'd like to buy you tighter, and slightly more revealing clothing, so I can objectify you whenever you're with me—and only when you're with me."

"I've had these clothes for too long… I'd be grateful if you bought me new stuff."

A fire grew in Izaya's eyes. "Ever since you ran off with that yakuza, I haven't trusted you to remain faithful to me. I put a tracking device in your phone so I can monitor where you're going. You could easily find it and take it out. Will you?"

"Did you actually do that?"

"Possibly. Answer the question."

"If that's what it takes for you to trust me, then I'll leave it in."

"I'm not sure if that's enough, though. I am disgusted by the thought of someone else touching my possession. I think you should live here from now on. You'll only be allowed out if you get my permission."

"You're asking me to move in with you, like, permanently?"

"Yes."

Masaomi smiled. "I like being with you. If I get to be around you all the time, I'll never be lonely."

"I want to try new things in the bedroom—breath play, knife play, and electric shocking, specifically."

"I don't want you to be unsatisfied, so, if you think that we're too boring right now, we can do that stuff. I trust you not to hurt me too badly."

"You've been too clingy lately. It's annoying how you're constantly being affectionate. You're here for sex, not a relationship. From now on, you can only touch me when I initiate contact—which won't be often. You can refuse, and continue with your current behavior, as long as you know that I find your need for physical affection pathetic and immature."

After the first sentence, Kida bit his lip to keep it from quivering; towards the middle, he removed his arms from the man's neck; by the end, he was barely holding back tears. "I-if it's annoying you, I'll stop." A single tear left his eye, and he shut his eyes to keep from letting more escape.

Izaya laughed heartily. "You'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?" he said cheerily. "We're a perfect fit, Masaomi-kun—a masochist willingly falling under control of a sadist. I've tamed you." His tone softened. "I'm not really asking you to do any of those things, Masaomi-kun. I think it's quirky that you dye your hair; I wouldn't change anything about your body; I trust you to a great extent, so I didn't put a tracking device in your phone; I'm only going to do things in the bedroom that you're comfortable with—things are fine the way they are right now. Finally, I don't think you're clingy or annoying. I wholly enjoy being physically affectionate with you, and cutting down on that would make me nearly as upset as it would make you." He slipped Masaomi's boxers on to make him more comfortable.

Masaomi sniffled. "All of that was pretend? You don't want me to do those things?"

"I'd like for you to do two of them, but you have the option to decline, without repercussions. I was being truthful about shaving that area, and… I want you to move in with me."

Kida's heart raced. "I'll let you shave down there. I… I'm not sure about the second part, though."

"Why not?"

"I just don't think it's a good idea."

Izaya wrinkled his nose. He bent down and kissed the boy's cheek. "I can't read you right now. Tell me what you're thinking. You know I won't make fun of you."

"I don't want to talk about it. Can't you respect my choice without forcing me into telling you why?"

"No."

"_Izaya_."

The informant pouted. "You make me feel unwanted, Masaomi-kun. I just want to spend more time with you." He ruffled the boy's hair. "Yes, I can respect your choice. I won't push you for an answer."

Kida gave him a small smile. "I want you, Izaya-san. I tell you practically everything—my thoughts, feelings, past… I need to keep some things to myself."

"I understand." Izaya shifted most of his body weight onto the boy. "I'm tired. Masaomi-kun is comfortable. Can I fall asleep like this?"

"I—" He cut off and blushed as he felt a familiar hardness press against his leg. "Um, have you been aroused this whole time?"

"Yes. Why?"

"What do you mean, 'why?' How have you been so composed this whole time? Don't you want me to take care of it? That's got to be uncomfortable."

"Hm… No. Thanks, though. I just want to take a nap. It will go away on its own. Before we became lovers, I would usually just ignore it, as I was too lazy to go through the whole boring process of picking someone up. I didn't get myself off very often—also too much effort."

Kida rubbed the man's back. "So that's why you're horny all the time? You've held it in for years, and you're taking out your sexual frustration on me?"

Izaya shrugged. "If you're here and willing, it would be a waste not to follow my body's impulse to bone you." He shut his eyes. "Not that I only want to have sex with you." Izaya yawned. "I like to talk to you, and kiss you. I simply like to have you with me. Right now, I'd like to use you as a pillow. Are you sleepy?"

Masaomi laid his head back and wrapped his arms around Izaya. "Yeah, kinda."

"Let's take a nap, then. Sweet dreams, Masaomi-kun."

Kida smiled. He ran his fingers through the man's silky hair as he drifted off. "Sweet dreams, Izaya-san."


	6. Chapter 6

~~_A lot of the time, I went to bed hoping I wouldn't wake up~~_

Kida grabbed his phone. With shaky fingers, he opened it and found Izaya's number. He started typing, and then stopped and erased the text. Izaya didn't have to know that something was wrong. Kida just wanted to be with him.

_Too lazy to booty call, so have this text instead._

Izaya responded after a minute—good for Masaomi; that meant he wasn't busy. _If you want me, come over to my place._

Of course Izaya wouldn't agree, at least not immediately. The informant liked to do things his way. But the teen wasn't sure if he would be able to walk there without breaking down halfway.

_Nooo I'm too tired to walk to Shinjuku :P_

_If you're too tired to walk, you're too tired to fuck._

Masaomi leaned his head against his wall and sighed. He couldn't keep going around in circles with the man. A few tears escaped him. He knew what he had to do. He would be selfish once again.

_Please? I'll do anything you want (;_

_Fantastic. I want you to get in my bed._

_C'mon. I always go to your place._

Kida's ringtone chimed. Izaya. He cleared his throat before answering. "Iza—"

"Masaomi-kun, darling," a light voice sang. "I'd be happy to give you what you want. All you have to do is walk a bit."

The teen brought his hand to his mouth and moved the phone away from it. He couldn't stop crying.

"Masaomi-kun?"

Slowly, he dropped his hand and took a deep breath. His voice was barely audible. "Izaya-san... I need you." He never said those words unless he truly meant it, and Izaya knew that.

"I'm on my way."

* * *

Kida's eyes fluttered open when his door flew inwards and a man rushed into his bedroom. Izaya sat in front of him and placed a hand on his pink, tear-stained cheek. He leaned into the touch, his breath steadying at the sight and feel of the one he'd been waiting for, the one who could make the pain go away.

The informant's fingers slid along the boy's jaw before pressing against the skin below it. _His pulse is slow_. He stared into the copper eyes, relieved to find that the only abnormality was that they were slightly red from crying. _Steady breathing.._. "Masaomi-kun, how many did you take?"

The teen moved forward to sit between the man's legs. His thighs and arms trapped the raven in a tight embrace. "Only a few. I couldn't go through with it." He felt the man relax and wrap his arms around him. It felt good, not only the hug, but also the way Izaya's breathing leveled and eyes softened when he was informed of Masaomi's safety.

Izaya didn't ask what drove him to take the pills. He wouldn't push; he would wait until Kida was ready to tell him. For now, he would offer comfort. "I swear you're going to give me a heart attack one of these days. I ought to bring you with me everywhere to prevent this."

Kida held him tighter, burying his face in the crook of the raven's neck. He closed his eyes as a familiar bittersweet feeling washed over him. He didn't want to cause the man trouble. The worry and care was appreciated, but he always feared that annoyance lay beneath the soothing voice and soft eyes given when these things happened. The suspicion of abandonment was present in these moments, in these times that Izaya told him that he was with him. But how long would that last? How much longer until Izaya left him, just like everyone else?

"Izaya-san, don't leave me," he pleaded, his voice cracking. "I don't want to be alone."

"I'm not going anywhere, Masaomi-kun. I'll stay with you, always."

Those words brought no ease to the boy's fear. They were sincere, but he figured they were fleeting. Izaya said that now, but would he still be as genuinely concerned in a few months, a year, two? His weak, deceptive attempts at suicide brought Izaya to him. He was able to hear the words he craved from the normally aloof, detached man. Tomorrow, they would pretend this night never happened. He would fall asleep in the man's arms and wake up in an empty bed, Izaya either gone or restocking his kitchen with expensive foods.

Izaya was always buying him expensive things: food, shirts, shoes. Kida had yet to come to a definitive conclusion as to why he did it. Izaya was considerate and gentle when the situation called for comfort. He attentively listened to Masaomi's worries and offered assistance through kind words. It wasn't as if the man were making up for a lack of being able to give physical or emotional solace by buying him nice things.

So, the next morning, as usual, Masaomi left his bedroom to see the informant organizing his fridge with fresh, newly bought fruits. He sprawled on the couch and closed his eyes. "Izaya-san, why are you always buying me things?"

"Because you need them."

"But I can afford food and clothes. You don't have to waste your money on things I can purchase myself."

He was lifted as Izaya reclined on the couch, resting his upper back on the couch arm and pulling the boy onto him. "I have more money than I know what to do with. Why shouldn't I buy you things? You make use of everything I give you; nothing is wasted.

Kida flipped over to wrap his arms around the man's neck and rest his chin on his chest, catching the stare of crimson eyes. He said nothing, allowing the raven to sit up fully and take him along. He patiently waited for Izaya's next move. He waited, as he did every time, for the man to choose whether to speak to, kiss, or take him. Kida wouldn't protest. He didn't know what he wanted—needed, but Izaya did.

Izaya gently clasped the boy's jaw and tilted it to the side, allowing him access to the smooth skin of his throat. Kida's heart raced in anticipation as teeth gently nipped him. The action was ambiguous. Izaya could be starting foreplay or building up to a kiss. He rubbed the raven's shoulders as he continued to wait for the man to reveal his intentions.

Finally, a hand caught Masaomi's and laced their fingers together. He had made a decision. Kida closed his eyes as Izaya leaned in, his lips tingling from the man's warm breath. He moved in to kiss the raven, only to find that he'd shifted. His eyes fluttered open when he felt a forehead rest on his shoulder. "Izaya-san?"

"I thought I could help you. I thought you were getting better."

Kida placed a hand on Izaya's upper back, not sure what else to do. "You _are_ helping me. I wouldn't be alive if you hadn't found me in that alley. "

Izaya lifted his head and cupped the boy's face. "Then why did you try to kill yourself again? If I were making a difference, I wouldn't keep having to come over and calm you down."

"I... I don't want to tell you why," he said faintly.

"Tell me. I can't know what I'm doing wrong if you don't tell me what's going on. You said the medication didn't work, and you won't go back to see a psychiatrist, so it's up to me to help you."

Izaya's words were sincere; his eyes revealed concern. How could he tell him the truth? It would probably make him feel useless. "I'm scared. You're the only person in my life. If I lose you, I'll be alone again. But if you don't leave, I'll keep bothering you. I'm just wasting your time."

"Have you ever known me to voluntarily do something I see as bothersome?"

"No, but—"

"Then stop worrying about how you affect me, and focus on how I affect you. If I weren't serious about making you happy, I would've quit already. I knew from the start that this would be difficult and time consuming. I'm here for you, okay? Whether you hate me, love me, want to kill me, or want to be with me forever, I'll be with you. I don't really care what you think about me, or if you even want my help—you're getting it."

Kida removed Izaya's hands and placed them on his hips. He threw his arms around his neck and smashed their lips together. He pressed their bodies closer and moaned, feeling arms around him. Izaya's arms were a shelter, an escape from his problems.

Their physical relationship truly helped him. He'd previously slept around for this feeling, but it was nice to be with the same person. Thoughts of guilt and despair fell away when Izaya touched him. All he had to do was focus on the cool fingers sliding under his shirt and the soft lips taking control over his. He raised his arms when Izaya wanted his shirt off; hips lifted and his body shifted forward for the removal of his sweatpants; his head tilted to let teeth and lips ravish his neck, leaving bite marks and bruises that would last for days; he rose to his knees to allow fingers to drag along the creases between his navel and thighs.

The morning after each of his 'incidents,' Masaomi didn't deny Izaya. The informant could do as he pleased to Kida's body. He would bend over, hold out his wrists to be tied, and tilt his head back to make room for hands to wrap around his neck. He didn't protest when told to get on the informant's lap or dress in a sexy—often humiliating—outfit. Izaya's wishes and fantasies were fulfilled, no matter what they may be.

After Izaya left, however, they returned to their normal selves. Masaomi ignored most of Izaya's lazy advances, and Izaya took care of him in a less obvious way. It wasn't a regular occurrence, but it had happened enough for them to form such a routine. Kida thought of it as the opposite of a one-night stand.

"Masaomi-kun, you're the best lover I've ever had." The comment seemed random, but the blond knew Izaya was thinking of what happened after 'incidents,' and not in their normal sex life.

Kida nuzzled into the man's neck. "That makes me happy."

"Does it really, though? Do I really make you happy?" Something wet slid down his neck. "Why are you crying?"

"Be-because you...try so hard to k-keep me from being sad, and then I do th...is and y-you think you aren't helping, but you are. You…are," Kida said, his words broken up by sobs. "Apart f-from the first, I didn't want to die any of these times... I-I just wanted attention," he admitted, trembling, knowing that Izaya now saw how pathetic he truly was. "I know you told me n-not to bring it up, but I've been seeing you less and less since that night three months ago…" Masaomi took a deep breath. "I thought you were upset about what I said and you didn't want to be with me anymore. I knew that doing these things would make you come over. I'm so sorry. I'm a horrible person."

"I haven't contacted you lately because I've been busy; there's nothing more to it. I won't take on any more jobs for a while so I can make time for you. But if you want attention, you only have to ask, Masaomi-kun. There's no need to go to such lengths for something you can get easily. Do you think I'd ignore you when you want to talk things out or push you away when you want me to hold you? I'm here for you. Have I mentioned that you're the only one to ever stay the night in my bed?"

Kida looked up, sniffling. "R-really?"

"Mhm. Others have tried to wear me down and stay over, but you're the only one who succeeded. Not only that—I _invite_ you to bed. I carry you upstairs when you fall asleep on the couch; I crawl in next to you after a long day of work; you stay at my place for days at a time, without a word of protest from me. Actually, I'm fairly certain that, other than me, you're the only one to merely lie on my bed."

"What about when you had sex with other people?"

"Either on my couch or at another place. My bedroom is a personal space; I do not allow others entry. My apartment serves as my office, but my room is secluded on the second floor. Apart from when Namie-san is cleaning, nobody enters my room."

"So… You don't want me to go in there anymore?"

Izaya chuckled. "Why would you jump to that conclusion? I was explaining that you're a part of my personal life. You are free to roam about my apartment, and are always welcome to sleep in my bed. You're different from everyone else. Don't call yourself bothersome or annoying, because those words never cross my mind when I think of you."

Kida wiped his face and smiled subtly. He was a part of Orihara Izaya's personal life. The private man opened up to him, and permitted him to say and do things he would consider invasive from anyone else. "Thank you for letting me in, Izaya-san."

"To gain your trust, I need to give you some of mine; in order for you to be comfortable with me, I need to show you that I'm comfortable with you. I'm not an emotional person, and I don't particularly enjoy voicing them—which is why I don't discuss them with you. Masaomi-kun, I can't put to words how important you are to me. I always want you to be with me, so I can protect you and talk to you—and just know that you're still mine. I don't want to be without you."

"I want to always be yours."

Izaya smiled. "I'm going to hold you to that, Masaomi-kun."

"Put it in writing. I'll belong to you until I'm dead."

"I don't agree with that."

Masaomi's smile faded. "What do you mean? I thought—"

"You'll be mine for all of eternity. If there turns out to be an afterlife, you'll still be my darling Masaomi-kun. I'll carve my name into your mind—into your soul."

Kida's heart raced. He made himself appear unafraid as he grabbed an object from Izaya's pocket, slid it into the informant's hand, and stared into crimson eyes. "Carve it into my body."

Izaya glanced at the switchblade placed in his hand. He kissed the boy's cheek. "I was speaking figuratively. I couldn't blemish your body in such a way."

"Do it. Make a permanent mark, so I'll always remember whom I belong to. You've cut me with your knife before; just do it deeper this time."

"Masaomi… That happened twice, and I barely broke skin; I did it to scare you."

"Please, Izaya-san. Put it in a place that only you and I can see. I want you to do this."

Izaya hesitated. Of course, he had used his knife to permanently scar others' bodies, but that was torture—for only those he loathed most. There was screaming and begging and crying. How could he bring himself to do it to the human he held above all others? He didn't want to hear screams and sobs from Masaomi. Sure, he disciplined the boy, but it was more often than not simply threats, and when he actually hurt him, it was brief and subtle.

"Please." The look in Masaomi's eyes was one of complete submission. He wouldn't admit it, but he wanted Izaya to do whatever he wished with his body, to carry out his desires of torture and domination. This was the ultimate act of submission. He wanted Izaya to know that his body, mind, and soul resided with his lover.

Izaya gently lowered Masaomi onto his back. He sat on the boy and looked down at him. He swallowed nervously as he used his finger to trace patterns on his torso. "Where?"

"Anywhere?"

The informant leaned forward and poked the boy's cheek with his closed switchblade. "Even on your face?"

A brief hesitance danced across his expression. "If that's where you want it, then yes."

Izaya sat back. "I didn't realize that you were such a masochist. Now, where is a good spot…?" He poked just above the teen's left hip. "Here?"

Masaomi smiled. "Perfect." His pulse raced when he heard the knife spring open.

"Are you sure?"

Kida nodded. "Yes."

"Can I get you anything first? Do you want water or a shirt? Are you hungry?"

The blond reached up and twisted strands of his lover's hair. "I'm fine. Don't stall. Once you start, don't stop. Yeah, it's going to hurt, so I'm going to make noises and cry a bit. Just don't quit in the middle, okay?"

"I understand. Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

Izaya shifted his weight onto Masaomi's thighs to keep him still. He brought the tip of his blade to the pale flesh and pressed down with a practiced hand. He bit his lip to keep from stopping when Kida slapped his hand over his mouth to muffle his scream. The informant blocked out the pained noises that escaped the boy as he carefully carved his name just deep enough to leave a permanent scar. After about two minutes, he tossed his knife onto the table and dashed into the bathroom. He returned with antiseptic wipes and bandages. When he finished, he washed his hands, and then returned to the boy.

"Do you want ice? I'd give you painkillers, but you took a lot last night…"

"I didn't take any."

The man's eyebrows rose. "They really were all staged?"

"Not the first two."

Izaya sensed Masaomi's uncomfortable feelings towards the subject. "Do you want some?"

Masaomi shook his head and intertwined his fingers with Izaya's. "I want to feel it. Are you sure it will be permanent?"

"I've been skilled with a knife since I was younger than you are now. My name will scar your skin forever; it will always be there." He dropped to his elbows, careful not to put any of his weight on the injury, and took Masaomi's lips in his.

A tingling feeling spread through Masaomi's body, and he was compelled to speak. "Izaya-san, I—" He quickly cut off, thankfully able to control his tongue. His attempt to brush off the close call was refused. Izaya gazed down at him with a stoic expression.

"Yes…?"

"It's nothing."

Izaya took Masaomi's face in his hands, forcing the boy to look at him. "Masaomi-kun, finish your sentence."

_I can't._ _I can't say it._ "I… I'm glad I met you."

"I don't believe you."

Kida hesitated. "You're right; I regret meeting you. However, I'm happy to be with you now."_ That might've been the best save ever._

Izaya released Kida's head. He bent down and kissed the boy's neck. "That's not what you were going to say. I could see it in your eyes."

"I'm not lying."

"Why won't you say it aloud?"

With that statement, Masaomi was sure that Izaya knew. "Because it would be a lie. I was caught up in the moment. Why do you want me to, anyway?"

"It's not just now. I've seen that expression numerous times. It's burdening you. If you say it, you'll feel better."

"You first."

Izaya moved his head up to stare into honey-colored eyes. "I don't—"

"Neither do I."

The man scoffed, seeing the boy's smug look. He continued their previous activity.

Neither would say what they felt for the other, because both were scared of their own emotions, and the other's reaction. They would continue on as they always did, not acknowledging strong feelings, and simply enjoying each other's company.


	7. Chapter 7

_~~I got what I wanted. I was able to feel again~~_

"Izaya-san, I've been wanting to play a game with you. Are you going to be done with work soon?"

Izaya shut his laptop. "I was merely looking through some past credit card statements. I'm not busy." He strolled to where the boy sat on the couch, and rested a few feet away. "What game do you want to play?"

"Truth or Dare."

The informant smiled. "The children's game? If you want to know something, ask me outright."

"Arguably, I'm still a kid. I'll whine like one until you agree."

The man rolled his eyes. "State your rules."

"Dares have to stay within your apartment. We each have three passes, with which we can refuse to comply. Besides that, anything goes."

"Very well. You may begin."

"Truth or dare?"

"Hm… Truth."

"How old are you?"

Izaya raised an eyebrow. "25, but you already know that."

"I wanted to see if you'd say you're 21."

"I'm supposed to be honest, so honest I will be. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever been in love?"

"I…" Masaomi hesitated. "No, I haven't."

"Interesting…"

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

Masaomi walked towards the man, and then straddled him. "I dare you to let me top tonight."

"You can bottom _from_ the top. I'd greatly enjoy it, actually. You always make me do all of the work. Being on the bottom doesn't mean you are exempt from doing anything other than lie down and make noises."

"I'm asking to top you."

"Then I will now cash in one of my 'get out of jail free' cards."

"All of my lovers have been pleased with my skills; you're missing out."

"I don't doubt your talents in the bedroom. I simply don't care to play the submissive role."

"So, you think I'd be skilled?"

Izaya sighed. "Honestly, Masaomi-kun, your real talent lies in setting yourself up for jokes about your past provocative lifestyle. You make it difficult for me to refrain from doing so."

"Whatever," Masaomi scoffed. "Keep going with the game."

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." He frowned. "Don't raise your eyebrow like it's interesting that I answered with truth again. I'll say dare eventually."

"Am I your last sexual partner?"

"I don't plan on being with anyone else, but I can't say for sure. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"You say that I'm different than other humans. Why?"

"Over time, you've grown inconsistent, making it sometimes difficult to predict your actions. By inconsistent, I mean that your emotions, state of mind, and various other factors influence your decisions greater than any human I've met."

"Dare."

"Getting right to it, then?"

"Yes. Give me a dare."

Izaya tapped his chin. "Kiss me."

"You don't have to dare me to do tha—"

"Differently than we've ever kissed."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said. Kiss me in a new way."

"All right…" He smirked, an idea occurring to him. "I'll kiss you in a new way." He leaned forward and brushed the hair out of his way as he placed gentle kisses on the older male's ear. He ran his tongue along the shell and blew cold air onto the skin behind it. "Do you like this?"

"For now, yes. Tread carefully."

Masaomi grunted his understanding, and then returned to his task. He tugged on the lobe with his teeth, and then nibbled a bit. He was pulled back by his hair, and he winced from the pain.

"That's enough. Truth."

Masaomi slid off the man's lap and sat next to him. He slunk down and shifted to rest across Izaya's chest. "How many people have you slept with?"

"Pass."

Kida smiled. He tilted his head back to look up into red eyes. "Interesting," he mimicked. "I wonder if Izaya-san doesn't want to answer because there's been so few or so many?"

"Don't analyze me," Izaya said flatly. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Is this game a guise to ask me a specific question that would otherwise be uncalled for?"

Masaomi's breath caught. "Yes…"

"I see… Dare."

"I dare you to only have sex with me when I initiate, for a month."

"Ne, Masaomi-kun, you never initiate, and I don't get the feeling that you'll be doing it much in the foreseeable future."

"Then decline."

Izaya nuzzled into the boy's hair, smiling. "How intelligent, making me lose all three of my passes so quickly. If I say no to this, I'll be forced to do and answer anything for the rest of the game."

"Once someone has lost all of their passes, each player can only take one more turn."

"All right, I pass, as long as you realize that I am not going to do or say anything I don't want to because of a silly children's game."

"Yes, I understand that."

"Very well. You might as well take your final turn, since this was your goal."

With trembling hands, Masaomi pulled Izaya's arms around him. "Back then…" He took a deep breath, trying to control his nerves. "When I was in middle school… Why did you hurt me like that?" he asked quietly. "Don't answer with, 'to see your reaction' or 'I wanted to.' I know there's more to it."

Izaya tensed. He'd considered telling Masaomi the truth on many occasions, but each time, he decided that it was for the best to keep him in the dark. He didn't know how Masaomi would react to the information, and he didn't want to chance it.

"I don't—"

"Please, Izaya-san, I need to know. All this time, I've wanted to know, but I was afraid that you would be upset with me for asking. Please tell me the truth."

Masaomi was shaking in his arms. He was scared to learn the answer. Izaya considered lying; it would resolve the problem. Still, he hated lying to his favorite human.

"I used Saki-chan as means to gain your trust. I told her not to fall for you, to just pretend, but she couldn't help it. She was in love with you, and you thought you loved her, on some level at least. Saki-chan told me what was going on, and I was confused. I felt… I _felt_."

"Izaya-san, are you trying to say that you did all of that because you didn't want me to be with Saki anymore?"

"Yes, I couldn't stand it."

"Because…you liked me? Did you have a crush on me?" He yelped as he was pushed off of Izaya and onto the floor. When Izaya stood up, he was afraid that he might be stepped on, and reached up to shield his face. He heard footsteps, and sat up. He rubbed his back as he followed the man with his eyes.

Izaya gripped the side of his desk for support. "I was scared," he said quietly.

Masaomi strained to hear the man. He cautiously stood and walked towards him. Timidly, he placed a hand on Izaya's shoulder. "Izaya-san—" He cried out as his wrist was grasped with a considerable amount of force and twisted slightly. His teary eyes met wild crimson ones as he tried to stay still and hold back any noises, assuming he was going to be punished.

"I was scared! I wasn't supposed to _feel_ like that because of someone—especially not a middle schooler. I didn't know what to do." Almost absentmindedly, he twisted Masaomi's wrist a bit more. "I didn't know how to deal with that. All I knew was that I had to tear you and Saki-chan apart in a way that would make you realize you felt nothing for her." He let go of the boy's wrist, and watched him fall to his knees, tears falling freely.

"Y-you should've…just t-told me." He held his wrist and shut his eyes, trying to stop crying.

"I couldn't! You were fourteen, and I was a twenty-two year old man. You wouldn't have understood—"

"I-I wouldn't have understood…that you liked me?"

"I didn't _like you_. That wasn't it, and you'd never be able to comprehend my feelings. What I felt back then isn't what I feel for you now. It wouldn't have mattered, even if you could've understood. You wouldn't leave Saki-chan for me, and I wasn't going to be rejected by a brat."

Masaomi bowed his head and looked at his bruising wrist. It didn't look broken, but it hurt more than a regular sprain. He was silent as he listened to the man speak, and was still silent once he'd finished. He didn't know how to reply to such a messed up confession. His chin was tilted up, and he saw Izaya kneeling in front of him, scrutinizing him. The informant cupped his face.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you. I'm sorry —"

"Don't apologize. You don't mean it."

"What?"

"You aren't sorry. Do you regret taking me away from Saki?" Izaya shook his head. "You aren't remorseful for what you've done; you're remorseful that you've hurt me by telling me."

"I've…cared for you for a very long time. It's difficult to express my feelings…"

"That's not an excuse to ruin my life! You broke me into little pieces, and I've never been the same since. You threw me into the harsh reality of what trusting the wrong person could do to me. I was 14! I was barely a teenager, and you made me unable to trust anyone or love anyone too much. You took away my girlfriend, my friends, and my mentor. Don't you understand how much I looked up to you? You were this cool, intelligent man that privileged me with glimpses of his vast knowledge and insight. After that time of pure idolization, I thought we had become friends. I thought I had made friends with the most interesting person I'd ever met. You're my god now, and you were my god back then, Izaya-san."

Izaya leaned in to kiss Masaomi, trying to offer some kind of comfort. The boy pushed his face back. "This isn't some light matter we can just 'kiss and make up' about. This is… I don't know what this is." Despite his words, he pulled the man in and connected their lips as a few stray tears rolled down his cheeks. He was exceptionally uncoordinated, and let Izaya take over as he sniffled and whimpered. He moved away after a bit to check the condition of his wrist. He grimaced when he tried to move it in the slightest. Defeated, he slumped forward and rested his forehead on the man's shoulder, awkwardly shifting most of his weight onto Izaya. He wrapped his good arm around him as his back was stroked in a soothing manner. Masaomi shut his eyes and concentrated on the soft touch.

"Masaomi, I know that there's nothing I can say to make up for the damage I've done. Just…don't leave. Please stay with me."

"I'm not going to leave you. Nothing has changed. I learned that, in the past, you let the fear of your feelings control you—something I've done numerous times…to a lesser extent, but still. Knowing why you did it doesn't change the present. I'm angry, but I was angry back then, anyway, and that didn't stop me from coming back. The only thing that changed today is the health of my wrist. I don't know what you did, but it hurts like hell, and you'd better give me some painkillers before I go on an emotional rampage. I can be cruel when I'm in pain, so fix it up quickly."

Izaya smiled as he scooped Masaomi into his arms and carried him to the bathroom. "You truly are my favorite human, Kida Masaomi." He set the boy on the edge of the tub and grabbed the first-aid kit.

Masaomi gave him a half-hearted smile. "Obviously. I'm amazing."

"Yes, you really are." He knelt down and kissed along Kida's arm. "You're my darling Masaomi-kun, and you will always be mine."

Masaomi grimaced as his wrist was moved. "I like being yours," he said quietly.

Izaya didn't reply. He was probably too absorbed in his task to hear the sentiment. He grabbed a bandage and delicately wrapped it around Masaomi's wrist a few times, between his thumb and pointer finger, and around his wrist again. He fastened it with the provided clasps and looked up at the boy. "Is it too tight?"

"It's fine."

"C'mon, let's get some ice and painkillers." He waited for Kida to wrap his arms around his neck and hug his waist with his thighs, and then picked him up. Before descending the staircase, he placed the teen on the railing. He tipped Masaomi back slightly. "You could possibly die if I let go. Does that mean I hold your life in my hands?"

Masaomi's expression was panicked as he dug his fingernails into the man's shoulders and tightly circled his waist with his legs. His body trembled as his vision grew blurry. "No! Please, Izaya-san. Please don't do this!"

Izaya took a few steps back, placing one arm beneath the boy and the other securely around him. "I wasn't going to drop you, Masaomi-kun."

"I know, but don't joke around like that." He sniffled.

Izaya carried Masaomi downstairs. His body still shook, and he breathed heavily against the informant's neck. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. That was cruel, and I won't do anything like that again." He sat the teen on the kitchen table and nudged his jaw with his head. "Forgive me?"

"I forgive you, just don't—"

"I promise. I promise that it will never happen again. Are you all right now?"

Masaomi clutched onto him tighter. "Don't let go of me."

"Okay, that's fine. I can hold you while I do this." He picked the boy up once again, and opened the freezer. He turned around. "Masaomi-kun, can you grab the ice pack for me?" Once he felt something cool rest against his back, he squatted down. "Can you take one of the water bottles from the door in the fridge?" When he heard the door shut, he stood up, struggling a bit, and moved to his next task.

"You're strong," Masaomi mumbled.

"I suppose. You aren't very heavy, though." Carefully, he leaned back, shifting Masaomi, and removed the arm holding the boy's waist. He reached into his medicine cabinet, shook out two pills from a bottle, and took the pills in his hand. Once the bottle was back in place, he returned his arm to Masaomi and walked to the couch. He sat down slowly, letting the teen adjust to straddle his lap. "Drop the ice pack so you can take the pills." Once Masaomi obeyed, he tossed the water bottle aside and moved the boy between his legs. He circled Kida's wrist with the ice pack, fastening the Velcro so it would stay in place.

Masaomi pulled the man's arms around him and leaned back. He closed his eyes and focused on the rising and falling of Izaya's chest.

"If you immobilize my arms, you're going to strain your neck looking up." Reluctantly, Masaomi released one arm and looked up. Izaya tilted his face down and cradled the boy's head. "There is no one I care for more than you. I'll never let you go." He closed the small space between them and pressed his lips against Kida's. They were still for a few moments, and then he tugged on the boy's lower lip. He licked it teasingly, and then nibbled on it. He pushed Masaomi's tongue away as he deepened the kiss, smiling as Kida let out an annoyed whine.

Masaomi hated when Izaya teased him. It was a game, and Izaya always won. If he tried to force it too many times, Izaya would walk away; if he completely submitted, Izaya would walk away. He was supposed to use a certain amount of force, and he was rarely able to find the correct amount. It mostly bothered him because he didn't see kissing as a joke. He found it to be an intimate activity. They didn't do it all the time, but it wasn't a complete rarity, either. Masaomi never initiated, fearing rejection, so he enabled Izaya in his game, hoping that he would eventually give up and let Kida enjoy their embrace. This time, he decided he would win. He swiftly moved to straddle his lover. He grasped the man's jaw as he bent down and pressed their lips together. A quick pinch to Izaya's neck caused him to gasp, and he slipped his tongue inside. He was too caught up in his victory to notice the subtle smile against his lips.

Izaya let him lead, grunting as tufts of his hair were roughly pulled. He squeezed Masaomi's ass, and let out a breathy chuckle as the teen yelped. He reached for the boy's belt, but his hands were brushed away. He slid beneath Masaomi's shirt, but his arm was yanked down when it traveled too high. Determining that Kida only wanted to kiss, he tried to slow them down and prevent further excitement. Each time he tried to subtly soften it, Masaomi immediately caught on, and painfully tugged on his hair. The boy unknowingly moved in a way that had his legs and crotch brushing against his arousal just enough to make him harder. He didn't do it on purpose, but it was still annoying.

Izaya had had enough teasing. He grabbed Kida's hips and held him down so he could grind against him. He moaned in pleasure.

Masaomi broke their kiss as he felt himself hardening. "Hah, Izaya-san, I just want to kiss."

Izaya pressed his lips to the boy's neck. "We still can."

"I-Izaya-san, stop," he breathed weakly.

"We both know you want it; there's no need to hide your desire." He threw Kida onto his back and pinned his good wrist above his head.

Masaomi squirmed around when Izaya undid his belt and pants. "I don't… I-I'm not in the mood right now." His squirming increased as his lower half was completely unclothed and his arousal was stroked. He placed his free, injured hand on Izaya's chest and pushed up, which merely resulted in searing pain shooting down his arm. His eyes teared up.

Izaya kissed Kida's cheek. "Don't push yourself. Lie back and let Izaya-san take care of you."

It was immediately apparent that Izaya didn't plan to stop, no matter how much Masaomi protested. Feeling defeated, he turned his head and lay still, giving up trying to stop the man. There really wasn't anything to do, and they'd had sex numerous times before, so it didn't seem so bad to simply give in. However, Masaomi thought of something that might free him.

He opened his eyes, looking at the staircase as Izaya sucked on his neck. "Are you going to rape me now?" Masaomi sighed in relief when Izaya's hand stopped stroking him and he raised his head.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Are you going to ignore that I repeatedly told you that I don't want this and have sex with me without my consent?"

Izaya blinked. "I'm not ignoring your attempts to make me stop, I'm simply touching you until you give in and quit trying to get me to leave you alone."

"I'm not going to give in. I don't consent to having sex with you."

The informant clicked his tongue, annoyed. "That's too bad; I really was hoping that you'd change your mind." Izaya rubbed Masaomi's entrance with his finger.

Masaomi's eyes widened in shock. Izaya fully understood that Masaomi didn't want to be touched, but he was doing it, anyway. "Izaya-san, what are you doing?"

"Foreplay, obviously."

"But… I told you that I want you to stop."

"I heard you."

Masaomi wrenched his wrist out of Izaya's grip and attempted to get off the couch. Izaya pinned him down by his shoulders before he could even put his foot on the ground. "Please don't do that." He removed one hand from the boy's shoulder and used it to bend and spread each of Masaomi's legs. He stroked Kida's inner thigh. "Keep them like this, please." He swirled his finger around the boy's tip until he fully hardened. "There we go."

"You really are going to rape me?" he whispered.

Izaya shrugged. "Call it what you want. I'm horny and your body is here for me to use. I'm not going to jerk off when I could fuck you, instead. It's not like I'm just going to fuck you ruthlessly and tell you to leave. It'll be like always; I'll give you pleasure, and cuddle with you afterwards."

"Izaya-san, I really don't want to do that."

The informant sighed. "Repeating that over and over is pointless. I already explained this to you. I'm horny, so I'm going to have sex with you."

"Y-you don't care that I'm not consenting?"

"Not particularly. You've consented before, and thoroughly enjoy being intimate with me; that's all I need to know. Besides, your body belongs to me, so it would be a waste not to do what I please with it when I'm in this state."

"Oh…" He couldn't find anything else to say. How was he supposed to argue with that kind of twisted logic?

"Now that that's settled…" Izaya unzipped his pants, pulled out his member, coated it with the lube from the bottle under the couch, and slowly pushed into Masaomi. He was still for a few moments, waiting for the boy to stop whimpering before he continued. Once Kida was silent, he picked up a fast rhythm. "I'm just looking for a quick release, so I won't take long." He ran his fingers along the boy's arousal, spreading the precum leaking from the tip.

Masaomi shut his eyes when he felt them watering, not believing what was going on. He was in a shocked state, unable to speak or move. Izaya was sexually assaulting him. Not only that, they'd had an entire conversation, during which the man had explained he understood that he was taking Masaomi against his will, and was doing so because the boy's body apparently belonged to him.

Masaomi opened his eyes and looked at Izaya, dumbfounded by what was going on. "I…can't believe you're doing this to me. I really care about you, but you're forcing me into sex." A few tears fell from his eyes. Panic spread through him. He had no idea what to do in such a confusing situation. Even after all of this, he still wanted to be with Izaya, but he wanted to get away from him now. The person he cared for most wasn't supposed to use his body without his consent. How was he supposed to react to this?

Not thinking it through, Masaomi voiced his thoughts to Izaya, as he'd become accustomed to telling the man about things that bothered him and relying on him for difficult situations. "I don't know what to do. I want you to stop touching me, but I don't want to make you sad or angry. I'm supposed to scream and fight when someone tries to rape me, but this situation is so different. It's _Izaya-san_ doing this to me. I like when Izaya-san touches me, but only when I want him to. People aren't supposed to touch me when I say no."

Heat rushed through his body when Izaya roughly pumped his member. With a whimper, he unwillingly climaxed. When he finished, Izaya was still pounding into him. More tears escaped him as he looked up at the man with desperate eyes. "Wh-what do I do, Izaya-san? I didn't want to do that, but the touching made my body react. I'm so scared, Izaya-san. Please help me." At that moment, Masaomi realized he was far too dependent on Izaya. He had just asked the person assaulting him if he should submit or fight back. Masaomi felt like a child thrown into an adult situation, and the only one who could help him was the one hurting him.

"Hush, it's okay; you know I won't hurt you." Izaya kissed his forehead. "You don't have to want this, but it's happening, so you'd be much better off simply accepting the situation and enjoying the pleasure I'm giving you." He angled his hips slightly to brush against Masaomi's prostate. "You're making a much bigger deal out of this than it actually is. You've been taught that rape is this disgusting thing that you should avoid at all costs. That's true, for the most part, but it's different with us. Rape can happen in abusive relationships, and that should also be avoided, but we aren't in a normal relationship. So what if I'm using your body for a few minutes? You're just giving your partner what he wants; it's appeasement. On this occasion, I have needs to take care of, and you're here to take on that duty by sparing a few minutes of your time to let me do something we've done countless times. Do you understand?"

Kida was dumbfounded that Izaya could justify raping him—and actually get through to him. He was right. It was only a few minutes, and Izaya wasn't hurting him in any way. Somehow, he heeded the man's words and accepted the situation. He didn't want it, but maybe it wasn't a big deal, after all. Izaya set his own morals, and was good at convincing Masaomi that he was right. "I understand." He brushed through the black hair above him with his fingers. "But… Are you going to do this all the time?"

Izaya smiled, glad that Masaomi was cooperating. "No, I prefer having sex with you when you want it, since you participate and make such beautiful moans and faces. This is only because you teased me to a great extent. I doubt this will ever happen more than a few times."

Masaomi also smiled, relieved that the situation had been resolved. His panic and fear completely faded away, still not wanting to be touched, but letting Izaya do as he pleased. "Okay."

Izaya kissed Masaomi's neck. After a few more hard thrusts, he released, moaning quietly. "Thank you for letting me do this."

"Well, I didn't really let you; you forced me." He shook his head. "My body is yours; do what you want with it." He wrinkled his nose. "But, next time you take me without my consent, can you use a condom? Since I didn't want it, it will be kind of annoying to clean out your semen."

"Sure. Sorry about that. I was really riled up."

Masaomi stroked Izaya's hair. "It's okay. It's my fault for putting you in that state, anyway."

Izaya touched the boy's face and kissed him gently, slowly intensifying it. Masaomi pulled away, blushing. "Um, Izaya-san, you're hard again…"

"You're just that good of a kisser." He slowly started to move again, moaning softly.

Kida furrowed his eyebrows. "Izaya-san, since I'm still not in the mood, don't you think once is enough?"

Izaya pecked his cheek. "I mean, I'm already inside of you; it only makes sense to fuck you in this situation."

Masaomi's face sank. He really didn't want to be touched, but he'd already been told that it was okay for Izaya to use his body when he pleased. He became confused, wondering why he was able to justify what was going on.

Izaya picked up on his mood. "Hey, after I'm finished, you can take a shower, we'll watch a movie, and you can sleep over. Okay?"

In some sort of a daze, Masaomi looked up at his lover with adoring eyes. "Okay. I'm sorry for resisting earlier."

"Don't worry about it. You just aren't used to belonging to someone." He touched the mark he'd made on Masaomi's abdomen. "This won't happen often. You'll be giving consent for almost all of the times we're together in the future."

"I really like being with you, Izaya-san. You make me happy."

"You make me happy, too."

After Izaya finished a second time, Masaomi hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. When he was with his lover, he was truly happy, and that feeling had been absent from his life for too long. Izaya could do whatever he wanted as long as it meant Masaomi could stay by his side. As the man whispered sweet things to him, eventually taking him without his consent for the third time, he hoped that he would always belong to Izaya.


	8. Chapter 8

~_There were stretches of time when I forgot_~

Masaomi slowly opened his eyes when he felt himself being moved. He smiled when he saw crimson eyes looking at him. He scooted forward and pressed his forehead against Izaya's chest. "I like waking up next to you."

Izaya brushed through Masaomi's hair with his fingers. "Then why won't you move in with me?"

"Because I don't want to," he mumbled.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to," he repeated blandly.

Izaya grabbed Masaomi's hand and played with his fingers. "What if I threatened to kill your parents if you don't?"

"You won't do that."

"Maybe not, but there are two love-struck teenagers that I wouldn't mind getting rid of."

"Then kill them. You're the only person I care about. As long as you aren't fucking other people, you can do what you want with them."

Izaya grinned. "How morbid. I'm not allowed to fuck other people, huh? What would you do if I slept with someone else?"

"I would drink more than I ever have in one night."

"Is that a threat?"

"No, it's just what I'd do. I know I belong to you, and I'm not allowed to be with other people, but I can't control you. I'd be upset, but I wouldn't retaliate in any way."

Izaya kissed the top of Masaomi's head. "How interesting…" His hand traveled down and reached into Masaomi's boxers. He ran his fingers along the boy's member.

Masaomi leaned away from the touch. "Izaya-san, I want to sleep. Can't we have sex later?"

"But I'm horny now," he whined. "I can just fuck you while you sleep."

Kida opened his eyes and tilted his head up to look at his lover. "Seriously?"

"If you're able to sleep through it, that's fine. Are you going to deny me your body? We talked about this yesterday evening. It will only be a few minutes, and I'll wear a condom."

"Right…" He flipped over so his back was to Izaya and shut his eyes, trying to fall asleep. He heard a drawer open, a package rip, and a bottle open. When his boxers were removed and something poked at his hole, Masaomi furrowed his brows. "You aren't going to prepare me first?"

"It would be longer for you that way. I'll be gentle." Izaya pressed his body against Masaomi's and slowly inserted his member. He made cooing noises and soothingly touched the boy when he whimpered and trembled in pain.

A few tears escaped Masaomi. "Izaya-san, it hurts." He desperately tried to relax his muscles, but they refused, staying tense. "Can you please prepare me first? I don't care that it will take longer."

Izaya pulled out. He returned his member to his boxers and turned Masaomi to face him. He smiled softly and touched his cheek. "We can have sex later. You look exhausted; you should get some more sleep. Your body is mine, but I still concern myself with your feelings and physical state. You're a human being, not just something for me to fuck, and I will treat you with respect."

Masaomi smiled back, sniffling. "Thank you." He wrapped his arms around the man and nuzzled into his neck. "I think I like you too much, Izaya-san."

"You definitely do. You're in far to deep to get away from me, and there are few things I could do to make you want to leave." He rubbed the boy's back.

"Izaya-san, will you sleep with me?"

Izaya flipped Masaomi over again and curled against his body, hugging him around the waist from behind. "Sure. I could use a few more hours of rest, anyway."

Masaomi smiled, scooting back to get even closer to the warm body pressed against him. "I like being with you in this way."

"Me too. You're allowed to sleep over anytime."

"I know. Thank you." He closed his eyes and smiled. "Goodnight, Izaya-san."

"Goodnight, Masaomi-kun."

* * *

"You're not backing out, are you?"

"No." Masaomi sighed. "This is going to be humiliating."

"Only if we get caught."

Kida shook his head. "What kind of fetish is this, anyway?"

"Light exhibitionism." He stopped. "We're here."

Masaomi looked up at the man, confused. "In the middle of the mall?"

"We start with small things as we make our way to our final destination."

"Let's just get this over with."

Izaya guided him into a large department store, where he grabbed the boy's wrist and dragged him behind rack of clothing away from the rest of the customers. He pushed Masaomi backwards and smiled as he fell to the ground. The boy's yelp grabbed the attention of a saleswoman a few aisles away. He waved at her. "He's a bit clumsy." Izaya dropped to his knees and pulled Kida towards him. "Is my Masaomi hurt?"

The blond smiled. "My lips. Can you make them better, Izaya-san?"

"Well, I'll certainly try." After scanning the area, he leaned forward and gently took the boy's lips in his. After a few tries, Masaomi finally opened his mouth and allowed him in. He grabbed the teen's head and held him in place as he deepened the kiss. A few seconds later, he hastily pulled back and grasped Kida's ankle.

"Is everything all right over here?"

Izaya looked up at the saleswoman with a smile. "Yes, I was afraid that my little brother might've sprained his ankle, but he's fine." He stood and pulled the boy up. "We'll get out of your way."

Once the woman was out of earshot, Masaomi whined. "You could've been gentler. That kind of hurt, you know."

"You're injured somewhere else?" He grabbed the teen's wrist and dragged him onto a couch near the back of the store, hidden by tall clothing racks. He loomed over the boy. "Tell me where the pain is."

"It hurts everywhere, big brother. I don't know if you'll be able to take all of this pain away."

"Don't question your elder. I know how to make you feel better."

Masaomi tangled his fingers in the man's hair and pulled him down into a kiss. He moaned quietly when Izaya's hand slid beneath his pants and stroked his growing erection. "Hnn, someone will see us."

"The thrill of being caught is the point of why we're here, Masaomi-kun. Besides, I draped my coat over me to cover what my hand is doing—that's why I wore it."

Kida closed his eyes as his lover gnawed on the flesh of his neck. "Are we still going to pretend to be siblings if someone catches us like this?"

"Yes, the possibility of brothers having incestuous relations makes humans quite uncomfortable. Their expressions are hilarious. Now get on your hands and knees." Once Masaomi was in position, Izaya curled over the boy, unzipped his pants, and pulled out his hardened member.

The informant pumped at a quick pace as he licked the teen's ear. "I-Izaya-san, don't go so fast."

"Why? Are you going to come soon?" Izaya's hand slid out of Masaomi's pants and into his coat sleeve. Izaya pulled them both into a sitting position and tilted the boy's head down just as a young employee walked up to them. "I really don't see anything."

"You…don't?"

"Nope." Izaya stood up, bringing the flustered teen with him, and fixed the boy's hair.

"Is there a problem?"

"My little brother thought he had something in his hair, so I was checking for him."

The man's eyes drifted from Masaomi's pink face to his undone zipper. The informant followed the boy's gaze. He reached down and zipped up Kida's pants. "Silly Masaomi, you forgot to zip these when you got out of the bathroom."

The employee raised his eyebrows. "You're siblings?"

"Yep. We're _very_ close." Izaya pecked the younger male on his lips, lingering for a second, and then grabbed his hand. "Let's go, Masaomi."

Kida giggled once they walked off. "You're right; the look on his face was really funny."

"I'm always right, darling. You pick where we go next."

Masaomi steered them towards the elevators. Once they were inside, he backed into the far wall and pulled the man against him.

"An elevator?"

"Isn't this where you wanted to go?"

"I didn't think of it, but I like your idea. We'll know to stop if it moves or we hear people just outside the door. You've got a devious mind."

"Izaya-san, I'm really hard, and we might get caught. Please hurry up."

"As you wish." The informant turned Masaomi around and slid the boy's pants to his ankles. As the blond spread his legs and put his hands on the wall, he hastily put on a condom and coated it with lube. He placed his hands on the teen's waist and thrusted in fully. Once Kida stopped whimpering, he put a condom on his partner's member, and then grabbed his hips and picked up a quick rhythm.

"I don't even care if someone else gets on the elevator. Don't stop." He crossed his forearms on the wall and rested his forehead against them, moaning quietly as Izaya brushed against his prostate.

The elevator moved, and the boys scrambled to put their pants on. They had just zipped up when the door opened, and a group of teenage girls entered. Izaya grabbed Masaomi's wrist and pulled him into the main area of the store. After taking a quick look around, he guided them towards an opening in the wall.

Masaomi walked past the door held open for him. "Have you ever had sex in a public bathroom?"

"I've never had sex in public. Now drop your pants; my dick is throbbing."

Kida eagerly agreed. He stepped out of his pants and moved into the position from the elevator, with his legs spread a bit wider. "I'm not going to last very long."

"Neither am I. This is exciting—it's really turning me on." He squeezed the boy's rear. "Mm, Masaomi-kun, have I ever complimented you on your ass?"

"Surprisingly, no."

"Well, I've never encountered such a marvelous ass as yours."

"You flatter me too much, Izaya-san."

Izaya covered Masaomi's mouth with his hand, firmly gripped his hip with the other, and thrusted inside. He leaned forward to suck on the boy's neck. This made Kida moan loudly, and he gave a warning before returning to his ministrations. The teen's noises subsided slightly, and then stopped altogether as he finished. Izaya followed soon after, staying still for a few moments and pressing his face against the nape of the boy's neck as he slowed his breathing.

After throwing their condoms into a trash bin, he spun Masaomi around and kissed him gently. When the boy shifted uncomfortably, Izaya pulled up his pants for him. He stood up and nudged Masaomi's cheek with his nose. "Did you like that?"

"It was thrilling."

"Yes, it was. Knowing that we could be caught heightens the pleasure." He was silent for a few moments. "Looks like nobody else is here."

"Do you…want to do it again?"

"No, you're tired enough." He grasped Masaomi's hand and left the stall, and then the bathroom. Once they were out, he wrapped his arms around the boy's waist and held him close.

Kida placed his hands on the man's shoulders and smiled. "I am tired. When we get back to your place, can we watch a movie?"

"By 'watch a movie' you mean, of course, lie on top of me and make out until you fall asleep?"

Masaomi caught his subtle annoyed undertone. "Why are you bothered by that?"

"My tongue is a tool that aids in making you fall asleep. It offends me, somewhat."

"Only because it's dark, and we're being slow. It's not like I doze off when we're fucking." He smiled brightly.

"What?"

"When you say little things that make you insecure, it makes me happy. I'm always the self-conscious one, and knowing that you are too, in the slightest amount, is reassuring. You're human too."

"Were you under the impression that I was some kind of robot?"

Masaomi pulled Izaya's head down and kissed him briefly. "I was thinking more along the lines of some kind of god, like, a god of sex, or something. You are my god, after all."

"Are you trying to seduce me, Masaomi-kun? Did I not adequately satisfy you mere moments ago?"

"I already told you that it was good; it's always good. I was just joking around."

"I know." He pecked Masaomi's lips. Before he could move away, the boy grabbed the back of his head and pulled him closer, capturing his lips in a gradual, controlled kiss.

"Masaomi-kun, do you like kissing more than fucking?"

Kida blushed. "Well, I suppose. I mean, I've had sex with a lot of people, but there have only been a few that I've kissed without the intention of going further. When you kiss me, I know that you feel something other than lust for me. You're attracted to my mind, not just my body, and being able to do an intimate act like kissing reminds me that I'm done sleeping around. I've finally found someone as fucked up as me to spend my life with in some weird place somewhere between sex friends and a romantic relationship. I don't care what we are… I just want to be with you, Izaya-san."

Izaya was somewhat flustered, hearing the emotion-packed statements. He didn't particularly enjoy dwelling on what Masaomi meant to him, and he was uncomfortable when the topic was brought up. "Masaomi…"

"Brothers, hm?"

The boys broke their embrace and turned to see the employee who'd found them on the couch earlier. "Ah, you've caught us," Izaya said. "No, we are not brothers. We are lovers, having a bit of fun."

"Would you happen to be Orihara Izaya?"

"I am. Are you in need of my services?" He stuffed his hand into his coat pocket and touched his pocketknife, feeling slightly threatened by the boy.

Masaomi put Izaya's free hand between both of his and rested his head against the man's arm. The employee's gaze fell on him, and he clutched his lover's hand tightly, not liking the way he was stared at.

"No, I was just curious. You're Kida Masaomi, right? You're the leader of the Yellow Scarves."

Kida was silent, unsure of how to respond. He squeezed Izaya's hand, signaling his discomfort. "He was the previous leader, yes. I really hope you aren't planning to make a scene. For your sake, I suggest that you don't cross a former gang leader and a man infamous for his skills with a knife."

The boy held his hands up. "I don't mean to cause any trouble. I heard your first names, and I was curious, that's all."

"Cute, how you think I can't see right through you. You can't blackmail us. We don't tell people about our relations, but they're not a secret. People may believe what they wish; we aren't concerned about others' opinions."

"Izaya-san, can we leave now?"

"Of course, darling." He walked forward, holding the teen's hand, stopping after a few steps. "If you take out that knife, your family will experience great misfortune in a few days. Let us leave peacefully, Yano-kun."

"What are you gonna do? Send your slut over to break apart my parents' marriage?"

Masaomi wrinkled his nose. "Are you talking about me? How could I do that? I don't even know you."

"Figures you wouldn't remember me. I look like my mom, so people can't see the resemblance between me and my dad."

Kida's eyebrows flew up. "Y-you're—"

"Ah, so you've remembered?" He took a few steps forward, resulting in Izaya protectively moving in front of Masaomi. The boy peeked out from behind the informant. "I suppose you'll go after my mom this time."

"You knew?"

"Of course I did. It was obvious my dad was up to something, so I followed him to find that he was meeting you in a hotel room. How many happy families have you torn apart because of your whorish behavior?"

Masaomi teared up. "I really liked him, genuinely! I wouldn't have been able to shake the guilt if I didn't want to be with him in a way other than just hooking up. He's an asshole, anyway." He clenched his fists. "Your father is a disgusting, perverted man, who wouldn't think twice about selling off someone who so obviously cared for him! I regret ever being with him, and I made a mistake in going back. If I wasn't dating the best underground information broker in Tokyo, I'd be naked in some basement, screaming and crying for someone to let me go—all because I trusted that sick, sick man."

"Um… What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why would he lock you in a basement?"

Izaya turned to the side and pulled the crying boy into a tight hug. He kissed Masaomi's head and soothingly rubbed his back. He glared daggers at the other boy. "I shouldn't tell you this, as it would change your view of your father forever, but you've upset Masaomi, and anyone who upsets _my_ Masaomi will suffer a fate unimaginably painful. The gang your father belongs to does a lot of work in the human trafficking industry. Masaomi and I got into a fight one night, so he called up your dad, who took him to a hotel and," Izaya said as he clenched his teeth and held the boy tighter, "defiled him. He then took Masaomi downstairs and did what he does best: attempted to auction him off as a sex slave for some perverted man."

The boy's eyes widened as he listened to the story. "Y-you're lying. My dad would never do that kind of thing."

"Didn't you also think that he wouldn't have an affair with a teenage boy?"

"You're lying!"

Izaya pushed Masaomi aside. In a matter of seconds, he knocked the blade out of the boy's hand, twisted an arm behind his back, pushed him against the wall, and pressed a knife to his throat. "You really are an idiot, Yano-kun. If you had lunged for me, it wouldn't be serious." He pushed the boy further against the wall. "However, you lunged for Masaomi, and that is something I will not stand for."

Izaya looked beside him when he felt something tugging at his sleeve. Masaomi was childishly pulling on his coat, silently gesturing that he wanted to leave. His rage completely faded, as he couldn't help but smile at the adorable action. He removed the knife and tossed the boy onto the floor. "Watch your back. You've angered a dangerous man." He turned to Masaomi to give him a lengthy kiss, and then grabbed his hand and led them out of the store.

* * *

_I promise I haven't forgotten about Bittersweet! I wanted to upload a new chapter for one of these two, and I only had to add a bit to and review this one to get it done. The next chapter should be posted within the next week, but we all know that I'm horrible with my promises. *cough* Puppetmaster sequel which is not likely to be published for at least a few months even though I said it would be next *cough* But I am still in love with the story, and I have a good idea for the ending. Thanks for sticking around, guys._


	9. Chapter 9 (FINAL)

_This is the last chapter. Drowning was my favorite story to write, and I'm kind of sad that it has to end. As usual, I have two stories lined up to be posted next. Let me know what you think of this chapter and the overall story!_

* * *

_~I was drowning~_

"Hey, what's wrong?" Izaya looked down at the boy, who was on his side, curled up lying across Izaya's lap and playing with his fingers.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"There's something wrong; I can tell. Does it have anything to do with what happened at the mall?" He sighed when Masaomi tensed. He idly twirled the boy's hair between his fingers. "Don't think about that man anymore. You're with me, now and always."

"It's not that," Masaomi said quietly. "It's what he said about tearing apart families. Multiple times, I woke up to a girl screaming at her boyfriend, asking why I was naked in his bed, or watched while the guy grinding against me was slapped by the girl he came with to the party. I just tear apart people's relationships."

"That's not true. You had no idea—"

"Yes, I did—for most of them, anyway. I was told that I had to leave early before the guy's girlfriend got there and intentionally sought out guys I saw coming to parties with someone else. I thought it was fun to watch someone else's relationship fall apart because someone had lusted after me."

Izaya rubbed Masaomi's hip. "So what? You were having a bit of fun because you were unhappy with your life. It's generally a bad idea to seduce someone in a committed relationship, but I can appreciate doing it to see the reaction. That's what I do, after all, just not through sexual means."

Masaomi grinned. "By your standards, I don't think there's many things I could say about myself or what I've done that would make you think I'm a bad person."

Izaya pinched Masaomi's skin. "How rude of you to say."

The boy rolled his eyes, and then sat up, straddling his lover's lap. "Hey, let's get naked and do something fun," he said playfully.

Izaya shot him a wicked grin. "That's a fantastic idea."

* * *

"Ryugamine-kun, I'm busy at the moment. Do you mind coming back later?" He shifted slightly from his spot on the couch.

"It's really important. Please, Orihara-san, it'll only take a moment."

Izaya sighed. "Very well. What do you want to know?"

"Do you know the leader of the Yellow Scarves?"

The informant chuckled. "_Know him_? I'd say that, yes. After all, I've been sleeping with him for quite some time now." He could feel Masaomi glaring at him. "He's taking an…extended leave from leading them, though."

"Oh, um… Can you tell me who he is?"

"Normally I would not disclose this information to you, especially in this situation, but he would benefit from closure. The one you're looking for is beneath me."

"Okay…?"

"I mean, I'm on top of him right now. You walked in on us—though, it is partially my fault for leaving the door unlocked." He gazed down into anxious, honey-colored eyes. "Would you like to see whom it is?"

"Well, yes."

"All ri—" A forceful hand grabbed a chunk of his hair and tugged him down.

"Izaya-san, I don't think I'm ready for this," Masaomi whispered.

"You're ready. Trust me." He gave the boy a lengthy kiss, and then sat up. He offered the boy a hand and pulled Masaomi into a sitting position.

Mikado's eyes widened. "K-Kida? You're the leader of the Yellow Scarves?"

"You're head of the Dollars."

"Yeah, but that's different."

"How?"

"Your gang…hurts people."

Kida's eyebrows rose. "What are you saying?"

"Well, maybe you should disband them."

"Why? So your gang can grow stronger? Get the fuck out of here."

"Kida—"

"Didn't you hear me? Get out. We were having sex when you walked in, and I'd like to continue before his dick gets soft from the sight of you._ Leave_." He lay down again, pulling the man with him. "Put it in."

Izaya obeyed, and they both groaned quietly. The informant picked up a rhythm, hitting the boy's prostate with each thrust.

"I-Izaya-san!"

Without looking away from Masaomi, he thrusted at a quicker pace and spoke. "Ryugamine-kun, I'm sure it's arousing to hear your old friend make erotic noises, but you've overstayed your welcome. If you want to watch two men fuck, google some gay porn."

"Y-You aren't really…doing _that_, are you?"

With a loud sigh, Izaya sat up, pulling the boy onto his lap, and locked him in a kiss. Masaomi moaned as he rocked and bounced, completely ignoring Mikado. Izaya used his foot to pick up Kida's boxers from the floor. He grabbed them, and then held them in the air.

"Is this enough to satisfy your imagination, Ryugamine-kun?"

Mikado looked at them with a horrified expression. "But…Kida isn't…gay."

"I didn't say that he's gay. However, it's been heavily implied that Masaomi is greatly enjoying sodomy at the moment." He smiled childishly at Masaomi. "You're enjoying this very much, aren't you?"

Kida stopped moving and tried to catch his breath. He smiled back at Izaya with a similar expression and rested his forehead against the man's, closing his eyes. "Yes, I love this. It feels so good." He cleared his throat and glared at his former best friend. "Mikado, get out. Go away and let me have sex with my boyfriend in peace."

After shaking his head, the Dollars' leader scurried out of the apartment.

"_Boyfriend_? I don't remember agreeing to take on that title."

Masaomi fell onto his back, pulling Izaya down once again. "I just said it to make him more uncomfortable—and get him out quicker. He's a homophobe."

"And he never suspected that you're gay?"

"Bisexual." He punched Izaya's arm. "If he did, I'm sure he brushed the idea off as crazy. I thought that I might be able to ease him into it, but he doesn't understand—and I doubt he ever will."

"Well, my dearest boyfriend, don't waste your time on people who can't accept whom you are."

"Don't call me that," Masaomi barked. "I wasn't being serious when I said it."

"Maybe _I'm_ being serious. The word holds intimacy, yes? At this point, I believe you're more than my casual sex friend."

"You're ridiculous," Masaomi scoffed. "Shut up and fuck me."

"Not with that tone."

"Izaya-san, darling, make love to me," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Izaya didn't seem to care about his tone. "As you wish, sweetheart." He resumed their previous activity with enthusiasm.

It wasn't long before Masaomi finished, crying out his lover's name. Izaya finished soon after, immediately pulling out to throw away their condoms. When he returned, Masaomi had slipped on his boxers and was sitting up on the couch. Izaya scooped the boy up without a word and carried him to the bedroom. He placed his lover beneath the sheets of his bed and crawled in next to him.

"You know, it might—"

"No."

Izaya pouted and drew the boy close. "You didn't even let me finish. I—"

"_No_," Masaomi said firmly. "Bastard..."

Izaya stroked the boy's hair. "Do you like me, Masaomi-kun?"

"In what sense? Romantically? As a sexual partner?"

"I mean, do you enjoy spending time with me? Do you like me as a person?"

"I think you're a cruel, cold, and self-absorbed person." He paused. "Despite the horrid things you do to people, yes, I like you, Izaya-san. Since I've…returned, you've treated me differently. You don't make fun of me—severely—or play games." Masaomi turned his head and pressed his forehead against the man's arm. Izaya took the hint, and began to brush through his hair. "Honestly, I like you more than I'd prefer to admit. I've accepted it, though, because I'm fairly certain that you feel the same way. You've become attached to me in a way that makes you uncomfortable. I don't occupy your thoughts all the time, so you aren't too concerned about it, but you don't know the outcome of us, or even what 'us' implies. You can be three steps ahead of me, but you struggle to keep stride with our relationship. I'll stop talking about it now, because I can feel how tense you are, but I just want to tell you I understand that you feel _something_ for me, and that's all I need to know to be content with you."

Izaya rolled onto his back on the bed and pulled the boy towards him as he collected his thoughts, trying to figure how to reply. "Thank you for understanding, Masaomi-kun."

"You're welcome. Now, let's sleep; you really wore me out today."

"I didn't agree to ending our conversation."

Masaomi frowned, disliking how the way Izaya worded his sentence made it sound like a demand. Nevertheless, he complied. "Okay…"

"It's not a good idea to analyze me, Masaomi-kun—it will lead you nowhere." Izaya gave no further explanation, and Masaomi realized that he was merely supposed to agree.

"I understand."

The informant smiled softly and stroked Masaomi's head. "Why do you sporadically refuse my advances, in sexual _and_ nonsexual manners?"

Masaomi had noticed his tendency to occasionally act as if he didn't want Izaya. He, himself, wasn't exactly certain why he exhibited this behavior. Izaya meant everything to him, yet he would not discuss furthering their relationship, sometimes pushed him away when he wanted to give physical affection, and dismissed his compliments and things said to woo him. He was so deeply enamored with the man, but he passed up on chances to have more of him. "I…don't know."

But he had an idea. Each moment he spent with Izaya was a moment that Izaya could spend doing important work or spending time peacefully alone. He was taking up the man's precious time, and the more often he did that, he feared that he'd come closer to the day where Izaya decided that he was a nuisance, and no longer of use to the informant. He kept his fears to himself, not wanting to seem pathetic and needy. After all, he belonged to Izaya, but Izaya did not belong to him.

"I think you're lying to me," Izaya said casually, with no trace of any negative emotion in his voice.

Masaomi was silent for a few seconds, hiding his face in Izaya's chest as he tried to figure out how to respond. After awhile, he smiled. "Yes, I am. I don't want to tell you the reason, though. No good would come of you knowing it. It's better to not say it aloud."

"I see… Well, I'm too tired to manipulate you into telling me, and I don't see the matter to be of dire importance, so I'll leave it alone for now."

Masaomi's smile grew. "Thank you, Izaya-san."

"You're welcome. _Now_ we may sleep. Sweet dreams, Masaomi-kun."

Masaomi snuggled against his lover and shut his eyes. "Sweet dreams, Izaya-san."

* * *

As he often did, Masaomi woke up alone in Izaya's bed. He reached over to his side, as if confirming that nobody was there, and sighed when his hand was met with pulled-up sheets. A soft grin grew on his face as he thought about another one of Izaya's quirks: making his bed every morning, even if Masaomi was in it. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to make the bed after getting out of it, but he always did, anyway, just in case. He reluctantly left the warmth of Izaya's bed to brush his teeth—with a toothbrush he kept there—took a quick shower, and dressed in his usual outfit of jeans and a white sweatshirt—which was also at Izaya's for occasions when he spent the night. He found it rather ironic that despite his protests about living with the informant, he often slept over multiple times a week, and kept his own clothing and hygienic products in the luxurious apartment.

After looking at himself in the mirror, he walked downstairs. When he saw Izaya at his desk, as usual, he slowly strode towards the man, smiling when arms were extended out to him. He happily accepted the invitation, sitting down between Izaya's legs and leaning back against his chest, resting his forehead against the informant's neck and sighing contently. "Why are you never in bed with me when I wake up? It's not even nine o'clock yet."

Izaya wrapped his arms around the boy's waist. "I usually wake up around seven. Tomorrow I can sleep in so I'll be there when you wake up, if you'd like me to."

Masaomi placed hand over Izaya's. "Only if it's not bothersome. I don't want to get in the way of your work or disrupt your morning routine."

Izaya kissed Masaomi's temple. "It's not bothersome. I don't mind."

The blond smiled softly. "Then, yes, I'd really like to wake up beside you."

Izaya bent his head and nudged Masaomi's cheek with his nose. "Trust me more."

"What do you mean? I trust you."

"Not in all the areas I'd like you to trust me in, though."

Masaomi furrowed his brows. "Are you saying that I already know that and need to fix it, or are you going to make me aware of the problem?"

Izaya didn't directly answer the question. "You think that I'm lying when I tell you that you can request things from me, so you don't, and also that I'm humoring you by telling you that I don't see your presence as bothersome. I like having you around, and I'd tell you if I needed a break from you, but you won't accept that. Why not?"

Masaomi shrugged. Despite there not being much room on the chair, he pulled his feet up to hug his legs against his chest. "It's just hard to believe that someone as amazing as you wants to spend time with some depressed, clingy teenager. I mean, you're Orihara Izaya, one of the greatest informants and most dangerous men in Tokyo. I have nothing to offer you, yet I'm here on your lap after staying the night in your bed."

Izaya combed through Masaomi's hair with his fingers. "You have lots to offer me. If nothing else, you shouldn't be rejecting that you're here for me to have sex with. There are other reasons, though. You're intelligent, loyal, and easily pleased. I like having conversations with you, as well as having you at my disposal for various tasks. You don't really refuse me, and you enjoy obeying me, so there's not much about having you around that could bother me."

Masaomi smiled, somewhat believing him, but still not entirely. "Okay."

"Do you mind running some errands for me?" Izaya handed the boy a list and a credit card. "I have an appointment in a bit. It should be over by the time you return."

Masaomi nodded energetically, happy to help out Izaya. He pecked the man on the lips and smiled brightly. "I'll do my best."

* * *

Masaomi blinked, trying to comprehend what he was looking at. It couldn't possibly be what he was thinking. That couldn't happen.

"Masaomi-kun, I can explain this."

The boy continued to stare in disbelief, barely hearing Izaya's words. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, so he shut it again. "Izaya-san…?" There was a girl straddling the informant's lap. When Masaomi had walked into the apartment, Izaya's hands had been beneath on her hip and under her bra, which was visible since her blouse was unbuttoned; the girl's hands had been in his hair and somewhere Masaomi couldn't see; Izaya's mouth had been very close to a purple spot on her neck, as if he was sucking there; the girl had been bouncing on his lap, moaning. But none of that could be true. Izaya only wanted to sleep with Masaomi. He laughed wholeheartedly, smiling at the man, who had just shoved the girl off him and zipped his pants to stand up and walk towards his lover. He set down the bags he'd gotten from running errands for his lover. "Man, that looked really weird. It looked like you guys were having sex. That's impossible, though; you said you only want to be intimate with me—forever." A few tears rolled down his cheeks, but he kept smiling. "I'm sure it's not what it seemed like. You'd never touch someone else. I belong to you; you don't need to look for intimacy from someone else because you can get it from me whenever you want it."

Izaya looked at the boy with sad eyes. He moved forward and grabbed his hand, soothingly rubbing it with his thumb. "Masaomi-kun, I'm just using her to get informa—"

"Wait," the girl interrupted. "You're sleeping with him, but were going to hook up with me? You didn't tell me you were dating someone."

Izaya glared at her. "Shut up, brat. I'm not dating him. He's…" He looked at the boy for a few seconds. "He's just a very close friend that I often sleep with."

Masaomi's trance faded, and he looked at Izaya questioningly, pain in his expression. "'Hook up'? 'A very close friend'?" Masaomi stared at the red, lacy panties on the ground, blinking away his tears—not too successfully. He felt like an idiot. He belonged to Izaya, but Izaya didn't belong to him. They weren't in any kind of relationship; it was only expected for him to sleep with other people. He self-consciously pulled on his jacket and looked up, avoiding Izaya's eyes. "I should've asked if your…appointment was over before returning. I'm sorry for interrupting." He bowed to each of them. "I'll be going now." He briskly walked out of the apartment, and then ran out of the building and to his house, first vomiting outside of Izaya's building. Masaomi somehow managed to hold himself together until he brushed his teeth and collapsed onto his bed.

Masaomi sobbed and screamed into his pillow. He lifted his head when he became dizzy from a lack of air, and lay on his side, staring at the wall with a listless expression. He felt like an idiot for thinking that Izaya would only sleep with him. Of course it didn't go both ways; Izaya did whatever he wanted, and Masaomi was a disposable toy for him to play with. He started crying again as he realized that he would run back to Izaya as soon as he was called upon. Being the informant's plaything was actually something he greatly enjoyed. No matter what they were doing, Masaomi was simply happy to be near him, and he'd give up anything to be with him—his pride, body, possessions, mind—absolutely anything. He was in so deep, far too deep to even consider trying to get away and live a life without the man.

_I'm in love with him._ Masaomi had known that for a few months. He'd considered telling Izaya, but he didn't want to seem too clingy. Especially now, he was glad that he didn't confess his true feelings.

A fear returned to him—he was holding Izaya back. His body started to tremble. He was annoying Izaya by constantly being around him and showering him with unwanted affection. All of his fears swirled around in his head, but his desperate attempts to soothe himself weren't working. He looked at his closet, where he kept a bottle of wine, and then his nightstand, where he kept a large jar of pain medication. He sat up to figure out which to go for, when he suddenly realized that his indecisiveness was due to him not wanting either.

Masaomi reached for his cellphone, scrolling down to the contact he desperately wanted to call. But what would he say? He was upset because he was bothering Izaya; calling him would merely bother him further. He flipped his phone shut and returned it to the nightstand. As he opened the drawer, something shiny caught his eye, and he stared at it for a long while before finally taking it out and placing it on top of the nightstand. He stared at it again, reaching for it multiple times, but never actually picking hit up. After a few minutes, he finally grabbed the object. A few tears left him as he took out a pencil and a sheet of paper. By the time his cheeks were stained with tears, he had finished what he meant to do. He grabbed his cell phone, took a deep breath, and smiled.

* * *

"Masaomi-kun, I'm so sorry about earlier. Please let me explain_."_ He walked around the city, checking the places Masaomi frequented.

"_There's nothing to be explained; you're allowed to sleep with whomever you want. I just… I want to hear your voice one more time_."

Izaya slowed his stride. "'One more time'? What do you mean, Masaomi?"

"_I love listening to you talk. I want your voice to be the last thing I hear_."

Izaya's stomach flipped over. "Where are you right now?"

"_At my place, but_—"

Izaya took off at a sprint, pushing people out of his way. He flew around corners, not looking before crossing streets, opting for dodging or jumping over any cars in his path. "I'll be right there. Stay on the phone with me."

"_Don't_ _rush. It's not like I'm going anywhere—my body isn't, at least_."

"Tell me what's going on. Did you swallow pills?"

"_I cut my wrists_."

"Both of them?"

"_Yes_."

"Shit… How long ago?"

"_Right before I called you. I had to put you on speakerphone because I'm not strong enough to hold the phone up_."

"Can you reach anything to tie over your wrists? A towel or a piece of clothing?"

"_I don't want the bleeding to stop, Izaya-san_."

"I—" The informant was yanked back by the hood of his jacket. He was spun around, and his attacker held his free wrist and the collar of his shirt.

"Hey there, Izaya-kun. It seems that I've finally caught you."

"No," he breathed. "You can kill me any other time, Shizu-chan, but not now. Let me go. _Please_."

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't crush all of your bones right now."

"_Izaya-san? Are you still there? You don't have to keep talking to me. I don't want to be annoying—any more than I already am, anyway_."

Izaya looked at the blond man as he spoke. "I'm still here, and you're not annoying me. I'm almost there. I need you to tie something around your wrists."

"_But I_—"

"Masaomi-kun, please do as I say. After I fix you up, we can do whatever you want. We can go on a vacation or you could move in with me. We could even move away together." Izaya's voice lowered. "Please don't do this. I don't want you to die, Masaomi."

Hearing the last sentence, Shizuo let go of the man. Izaya nodded his thanks and started running again.

"_I've already made my decision_."

The informant ended the call and returned the phone to his pocket. A few minutes later, he opened the door to Kida's apartment and dashed into the bathroom. He grabbed a towel and ripped it into two pieces as he rushed into the bedroom. He crouched in front of Masaomi, who was leaning against the wall.

"Izaya-san… You aren't supposed to be here yet. I left a note for you because you were supposed to find me afterwards." He smiled. "But I'm glad I get to see you again."

The informant knelt beside the small pool of blood and delicately wrapped one of the teen's wrists.

"Don't do that. I want—"

Izaya looked at him, wild eyed. "I know you want to die. But _I don't want you to die_. I don't care if you want to end your life—I won't let you." He tied the other wrist and called an ambulance.

Kida's eyes were nearly closed. "Will you read my note?"

"There's no need for me to read it. You can tell me what it says at the hospital."

"But I won't make it to the hospital. Please take it."

Izaya grabbed the piece of paper on the dresser and shoved it into his back pocket. "I'll take it with me, all right? But you aren't going to die." He leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. "Masaomi… I was only with that girl to get very valuable information from her; I didn't think of the effect it would have on you. I'm so sorry."

The boy frowned. "No, it wasn't because of you, Izaya-san. Don't think that."

Izaya pulled back and looked at him with unshed tears in his eyes. "You were so happy just the other day. If this isn't because of what happened earlier, what else could it be? I messed up; I'm so sorry."

Masaomi shook his head, looking at the informant with a pained expression. "Please don't be sad. You didn't cause this. Please don't think you did this. _Please_."

Seeing the boy's expression, he kissed Kida's cheek. "Okay, I won't think it's my fault."

"I'm sorry to ask so much of you, but will you kiss me? Just once more."

"I'll kiss you whenever you want me to." The informant cupped the boy's face in his hand and kissed him, guiding Kida's weak lips. "I love you, Masaomi. I love you." He tasted salty tears and felt lips smiling against his.

"Izaya-san…"

Kida's lips stopped moving. Izaya pulled away. Masaomi's eyes were shut; his body was still; his chest wasn't rising and falling as it should be. He picked the boy up and hastily carried him out of the apartment, where the ambulance had just parked.

* * *

Izaya sat in the E.R. waiting room, impatiently tapping his foot, barely holding himself together. Nearly everyone in the crowded room recognized him. Whispers and gasps had begun the moment he sat down. He wanted to scream at them, to tell them to shut up and let him think. After a while, he picked up his phone and looked through his messages as a distraction. When he came across a text that Masaomi had sent him, he curled in on himself and hid his face in his hands, biting his quivering lip to keep from crying. Orihara Izaya did _not_ cry, under any circumstances—especially with so many people staring at him. He stayed like that for a while until he realized that his action had caused people to whisper louder and move closer.

He composed himself and returned to a normal sitting position. One person was seat hopping far too close to him. He stared at the ceiling and took a breath. "If you get any closer, I will cut off your ear." Once the man moved away, he cleared his throat loudly and raised his voice just enough for the majority of the people to hear him. "My precious humans, I am here for the same reason as all of you. I am not in a good mood right now, and it's a very bad idea to continue with this shallow, pathetic behavior. If you have any sort of conscience, you will quit whispering about a distraught man you've heard rumors about, and start worrying about the condition of your loved ones." He scanned the crowd. "_Don't provoke me._"

He had been sitting there for a little under an hour. The whispering had mostly stopped, and he was only given a quick look every so often. Because of the long wait, he figured that meant they were merely stitching up Masaomi, but he'd lost a lot of blood. There was a possibility…

He bolted to his feet when a doctor approached him.

"How is he? Can I see him?"

The informant's eyes widened as the doctor answered. He fell back into his seat, unable to stand anymore. He spoke in a hushed tone, not wanting to disclose his personal business to anyone. "You're speaking about Kida Masaomi?"

"I am. Are you his legal guardian? I need you to sign a few forms."

"No," he said quietly.

"Sir?"

Izaya narrowed his eyes. "Do you need me at this moment? You can't wait?"

"Well… I suppose we can hold off on the paperwork for now."

"I'll contact the front desk when I'm ready. I have some things to take care of first." Once the man had left, he pulled the note Masaomi had written out of his back pocket. Taking a deep breath, he opened it and read the contents.

_Izaya_

_I'm sorry it had to end like this, but I couldn't go on any longer. I was drowning. I was drowning in the alcohol, in the memories, and in you. I was fighting a losing battle from the start, and there was nothing you could've done to stop the inevitable. I know it's hard to understand—even I didn't understand it completely. That was the problem. I was trying to make sense of my feelings, but there was no making sense of them. Most of the time, I wasn't sad—I was numb. I wasn't feeling anything, and that was terrifying. I couldn't go on not having emotions. I hadn't been myself for months, because that wasn't me out there. The person desperately trying to feel something, anything, and faking it when he couldn't, wasn't me. I only wish I could've gotten to you sooner, and you'd have been able to be with who I really was. I'm sorry for wasting all of your time on a lost cause. I wish I had pretended to be okay instead of bothering you with my problems. Honestly, I'm not sure how you put up with me. I'm just glad that you won't have to be burdened by me anymore, and I thank you for pretending that I wasn't a burden._

_Thank you for making my last few months worth living. I know this sounds cliché—this entire letter is—but this wasn't your fault; you didn't drive me into doing this—I did. I was holding everything in for so long that when I finally broke down, I couldn't handle it. I got what I wanted. I was able to feel again. But the feeling was pain, and it was unbearable. My mind went in rapid circles of recalling my past mistakes and envisioning future ones. Because, in the end, I never let go, not really. I couldn't let go, no matter how hard I tried. There were stretches of time when I forgot, but the memories always came back. I couldn't live like that anymore. I couldn't live the rest of my life alternating between apathy and agony. I wasn't strong enough to fight through it. A lot of the time, I went to bed hoping I wouldn't wake up. The only reason I survived so long was because you were around. I finally realized that we were just stalling what couldn't be stopped, and my problems holding you back were hurting both of us._

_I didn't want you to know while I was clinging onto you, but I'm glad that I can now admit that I loved you. I loved you from the moment you asked me to be yours. I had never felt so strongly about someone, and it was thrilling. My happiest memories were made when I was with you. No matter what we were doing, no matter how you felt about me, I treasured every moment I had with you. You said that you believe in some kind of an afterlife. If it's real, I hope we can meet there; we'll start over and fall in love, like we should've. Until then, I hope that you don't change. Be happy. I want you to always be happy. _

_Thank you, for everything._

_Masaomi_


End file.
